Evolving marriage
2022-04-18 21:36:42 (UTC)

Musing about

Dear Diary,
Got most of the weeds pulled in the front of the property

Watered all the plants, roses, trees, pots, things are starting to bloom and I noticed the Ferns I dug up from my grandmothers old property are starting to sprout in the pail I brought them home in over a yr ago.

Watered the garden, the fig tree, blew out the back porch area as its been windy and loads of leaves and junk collecting by the back door and the ac unit fan.

Im exhausted, I needed to get out and do this, its a lot of squats, so we shall see how i feel tonight. Tomm I have a massage appt though so YAY!

OH GOOD NEWS! Our new vehicle is in! They called this am, so we are going to pick it up Wed later afternoon. Woohooo! We have to drive out of town so husband will get off work at 4 that day.

Tomm I have the dentist appt and the massage.

Had a shower, now trimming all my nails that have gotten long and then need to paint them for the wknd. Woohoo!

Its near dinner time, Im exhausted and havent started the dinner yet, bleh, but I will, not in a mood to cook day, may throw together a few tacos as we have some of the meet and shells left over from taco night 2 days ago and finish that off.

Oh and I remember what else my husband said he appreciated about me, "That your curious, you dig into things and like to learn about them" :) Ive never heard him say he admires my curiosity before :)

So far the libido aint happening today, I did do my short rebounder workout, arms, waveplate and stretches this am too.

Got all the bedding off and changed, whew it needed it! Will be nice snuggling into clean fresh sheets and blanket tonight.

Weather is attempting to get warm and move into spring, we go 3 days warm, then wind, then colder for several days, and back and forth, We actually slept with the fan on low last night for the first time this yr and I took off my clothes and just had a sheet as I was too warm.

I looked at my old friends facebook profile today, she and I were pretty close for several yrs, we met through church friends and a divorce church group and we had similar ex husband situations. i was close to her, flew her out for thanksgiving with us one yr, had her come stay at the coast with me.

But something has shifted. Pretty much since I moved several yrs ago, and she and I werent even in the same state for over 10 yrs, so we were on the phone or online talking daily, a lot of consipiracy theories, christianity stuff, health stuff.

And just somewhere things felt off, I guess I was changing, she was too but becoming more extreme. Reminds me of the old me watching her and I feel for her. But I dont say anything negative to her as she is doing what she wants to do and believes in so how can I fault that? I just have little interest in talking to her now. She would judge me now, I just know it and do a whole spiritual confrontation of Gods word. Yes thats how I was and the world I was in for a long part of my life. That has also shifted in the last several yrs. I used to always be in church, husband I were up until about 5 yrs ago and I just started noticing wierd stuff happening and asking leadership and the way things were answered or dealt with were off, and I had to walk away. Ive been in evangelical non denom churches most of my christian life. Got saved in a Baptist church as a teen.

I realized all the churches are a formula, the same, the same pastors in the same cool button down trendy shirts, skinny jeans, nice shoes and cool hair, the same lights, the same music (Hillsong blah!) some have smoke machines and lights, its all entertainment, high tech digital things on the screens. And church has become a show, a performance. I miss the simple days in the Baptist church with our youth leader on an acoustic guitar or us singing with just our voices in a circle.

Thats a whole other entry, my Spirituality, for another entry, Ill get to that.

But I married my ex as a result of these beliefs and trusted leadership's guidance for us and had a pastor who was frankly an idiot dealing with my ex and used him and was a dick to me in the end. I was the good girl, the quiet wife with the kids and in the end, my ex being the Narc, he did the smear campaign, I was the problem. So I left our church home, we were there about 12 yrs, and those are some good entries to be written.

So there is my life before being born again

The next chapter was my life as a Christian navigating dating, marriage, kids, divorce.

Met my second husband and we dated awhile, I was afraid to get married again because of how things went down with my ex, but with time and many yrs of dating a friend I respect from church asked if my guy was living with me. And I felt ashamed. I did tell him when I let him move in Im not doing the long term shack up thing, but a ring didnt appear. So I made it happen. I picked him up one day and drove him to the ring store to see what he would do and how he would react. That would tell me if I was wasting my time. Nope we went in and I got my engagement/wedding ring that day.

But there was some moral push for me to marry him and Im not sorry for doing it. We married by the ocean, just the 2 of us and hired an officiant to do the ceremony, we did dress up and it was pretty overlooking the ocean. We didnt have stress and drama of family and my ex and the kids, we just did it, the 2 of us, and we didnt go broke doing it either.

So what is there to know about me

Im a Prepper

Im an End Times Bible Believer

I am into organic, healthy eating, hate lots of crap with added chemicals, sugar

I love Antiques and Vintage items (old furniture especially!)

I love Adam Levine and find him so dang sexy and some of his songs are my fave sexy songs "Animals, Sugar, Moves like Jagger" to name a few, oh and his duet with Rhianna, hot!

I had a long time crush on a celebrity and wrote him a fan letter once a week for 3 yrs (Now I know I was probably placed in the stalker category) I did get a canned fan letter after a few yrs in reply. I thought if I loved him long enough and showed my devotion I would get through or some nonsense. That was in high school. Now hes sorta blah to me, see him all the time on tv, but the appeal is long gone, he doesnt look sexy to me, the old him on tv is what I had the crush on, the character he played.

I garden, I mow the lawn, edge and all that stuff (not my partner) I hand wash my cars. I have curly hair and fair skin, I like to be silly, I have grown sons, I have siblings who are over 10 and up yrs older then me, Im the Oops surprise baby and was raised like an only child.

I lost my parents in the last 8 yrs or so, never dreamed Id be without parents at this part of my life and especially my Mom. I used to talk to her almost daily, she was a regular part of my life, helped me and with my kids all during all the ex nonsense, I lived near her for most of my life and she was at my house or I was at hers many days a wk. Even after I moved, I came home every few mos and stayed 2 wks at a time, loved being able to go home, it was comfortable with Mom (not Dad)

She died suddenly without warning, and was fully living life and I know its the way she wanted to go. She had all her stuff filled out she didnt want resusistation, life support and all that stuff.

That was shocking though, much harder then my Dads passing which was hard too, but my Mom I truly loved dearly and she was my Mom and friends and the most constant person and thing in my entire life. She was admirable and strong and I learned a lot from her. Oh man, making me cry....

Im a foodie, thrift store/yard sale shopper, like love story movies like Under the Tuscan Sun and Moulin Rouge.

I dont watch much tv, I watch youtube and regular channels of all types instead and have my faves the rotate around.

We did start watching Yellowstone and we watched 1883, enjoyed both, looking forward to next season. We also recently did Mad Men, we never watched it before so that was a fun few wks of binge watching all seasons.

I love snack foods/desert and its been my lifes way of coping, but now that Im Keto Im over that hump of the cravings and I make keto bomb snacks as replacements.
Never done any drugs except tried pot once, tried a cigg once in Jr HIgh, didnt drink alcohol until I was 25 for the first time and dont really like to drink a lot, enjoy it though when I do, but Im a 2 drink minimum girl. Usually one is fine. So on average a drink with a dinner once or twice a month was my norm unless some special event. Mostly wine and mixed drinks

My husband introduced me to good food and now thats one of our greatest enjoyments, is eating out, finding great fresh, fusion type foods are my fave! Chefs with creativity, we are on a first name basis with our fave place here, they even treated us to a free dinner one night! But we are there so often and know all the servers and the Chef comes to the table to talk now and then.

I love the central coast california, being at the ocean, so I go every yr and have ever since I split up with my ex, we actually were planning to move there but the lock down happened and we decided to not be in California with all the nonsense and policies there and it just getting worse, so the deal is we will go once a yr and rent a beach house for a month. We have done it for several yrs now and since he can work remote, he can just go along no problem even if hes without vacation time. I love grounding my feet on the sand, the salt water, I walk so much when Im there, love the little grocery store, I know the owner, I actually have friends there, people from my meetings and its like Home to me and my healing place through all the crap Ive dealt with in life, its where I have retreated to to mend myself, build myself up, give myself a break, its all full of good memories going there.

We are southern Californians, hated by most in other states, although we are happy to have left and agree with more policies in conservative states and hate what California has become. Its home and familiar, the weather is fantastic, the coast is amazing and we have family and great friends there, but no interest in going back, just to visit at this point. Its just too expensive and financially leaving California was the best thing we ever did. We have been nothing but blessed financially and gotten out of the treading water, paycheck to paycheck life we once lived when we were there, it all turned around right when we left. Career wise, financially, etc

Well I better go get some food together so I dont get hangry