Tati

Be quiet

So many things wrong.
I feel too sluggish to fix it all.
Too tired to get up and do anything besides falling deeper into this pit of not being productive or feeling good and orderly.
Those cords needs to be neatened and put in their own places.
Those clothes need to be put away, I’m not wearing them anytime soon, tbh.
The desk needs to move over, the fan takes priority.
I need to vacuum, I really need to. Again.
That dresser needs to be cleaned off. Most of those items are trash, unnecessary, or can be moved to the closet where they don’t take up space that I can see.
I need to fix my nails, so uneven.
I need to take another shower.
I need to brush and apply that medicine.
I need to fix my bed, move those covers or something. I was meant to be using them for that mat but I haven’t brought it out once.
I need to limit my time for reading and playing and watching because the lack of structure makes me feel like I’m sinking into that sluggishness even more than I already have.
I need to pack.
I need to kill myself, I feel disgusting, every moment that I spend aware and capable of thought is filled with this body and the dirty, messy, crusty, and undying ugly feeling that remains. Always. Always. Always.

I need
I want to get rid of it.
I can’t

What can I do?
So much,
So why aren’t I out of bed?
Why aren’t I finishing those series?
Why aren’t I checking off a list?
Reaching goals?
Researching; working; something
Anything
I’m so tired

But I’ve done nothing
I feel so dirty and disgusting

And I’m running out of time.