Gentleman ♀

I Hate Middle School
Ad 2:
2022-04-16 11:48:28 (UTC)

Us Three Against The World


I think I’m having second thoughts about Monday… I don’t know what to do. Do ask him or not? This fucking sucks! I don’t know how we’re gunna get out of this. I love my friends, I don’t want any of them being hurt. I just feel so powerless in all of this. On one hand, I could ask Vinny and try to fix everything. But if he says he needs space (which he probably does) or anything else really, it could really hurt him or Olivia. If he wants space Olivia would be devastated and maybe just us asking him in general could make things worse. Maybe us openly noticing how weird he’s been acting will stress him out more. I just don’t know what to do.

Recently I’ve been having some pretty vivid dreams too. In two of them Gentleman (my cat) came back. I was so happy but then I woke up and it wasn’t very fun. Another one of them was just me changing out the bandages on my cuts. They were so real looking, it was horrible… or nice. Side note, it’s not the cuts that hurt, it’s the bandages moving around while you try and sleep afterwards. Another one of them - which was more of a half asleep daydream - was me practicing talking to Vinny. I have a bad feeling about this. It’ll either help us a lot - knowing what he needs and all - or completely destroy any chance of fixing things. How did we let things get this bad? God I hate this.

On a better note, I’m going to a birthday party today. It’s my friend Emma’s and it’s at her house. I hope it’s fun because I’m only going to know two of the five people there. I know Emma and I kind of know Quin. Quin is a girl from drama club - and sort of Vinny’s friend - but all we really know is each others name. She’s one of those alt girls who will be like “hiiiiiiiiiii [your nameeeeeeee]!” even though you both know literally nothing about each other. She’s cool but a bit much for me. She kinda stresses me out. It’s okay though, I hope it goes well.

I’m sorry, I still can’t get over the fact that we’re losing Vinny. Just thinking about it hurts. It hurts so bad. I just wanna scream or cry or break something. I just want to give him a hug and pretend like things are okay for even a few minutes. Nothing feels okay anymore, nothings right. I don’t know what I’ll do if we lose him. It’s gunna hurt so bad. I hate this. I wanna go back, to when things were okay. Just three best friends against the world. Not three best friends against each other and the world and the school and other friends and our anxiety and two blades and a girlfriend. It’s too much, I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m gunna go now. I have a birthday party later and I’m sure I’ll be stressed out still so I’ll write later. See ya!

~ Gentleman