The Life Of Scar Girl

The Life Of Scar Girl
2022-04-16 14:13:01 (UTC)

Dream entry & I have a crush on someone's personality.

I had my first bad dream since my dads passing. And it wasnt a tornado dream. But a complete murder massacre. I feel sick to my stomach.... I dont even know what buiIding it was in. I watched people i didnt even know get shot and killed for no reason. I remember frantically looking for my family. My mom and my sisters.... What scares me, is that the building kind of looked like the inside of the middle school that I use to go to. Which is connected to the church where my dads funeral is being held next weekend. I remember dropping everything i had and running through the halls... Once I escaped outside of the building... I remember looking for my families car. While I was looking, i saw a school bus full people, upside down on their backs with their hands tied to their ankels. I finally just saw my escape route through a random civilian. I was like please, please, you have to let me in and take me home and see if my family made it out alive. It was a female driver.... And was like ok, but im an uber driver and and have to drop off these deliveries first. They seemed completely obvliviois to the scene around them and what was going on. Kind of a little on the dumb side if you ask me... But I didn't care and hopped in.

Luckily, one of the deliveries they had, was on a street the was close by. And before i even make it home i wake up ..

I feel like this is the devil at work here.... And let me explain why. Ive been listening to alot of Christian music recently, but more bands like Hawk Nelson, Skillet, etc. not the super worship type... They have songs about God that aren't as cheesy as some of the worship songs. I feel like whenever I start feeling closer to God.... The Devil tries to scare me in some way.


I mean think about it.... I didnt have any bad dreams recently... Up until I started listening to Christian music again... Like the Devil is trying to scare me through dreams, and make me not want to go to my fathers funeral since its in a church and not at a funeral home. The reason i dont write about my faith a lot, is because im very back and forth .... And then something like this happens, and tries to shake it again.... But as of recently, i've come to realize that I do believe in God, i just dont feel the need to shout it from the mountain tops. My relationship with God is very personal to me. Out of all the things i have been sure about it in my life.

I have nver felt something as strongly ad this. Even when i have cursed God's name in vein. I have always felt something watching me always by my side. For most of the time I walk alone. I have "family" sure but no one i can really talk to. I just feel this constant presence with me at all times. And i know its not a family member that's passed on, it's not a my Guardian Angel looking after me. Its God. I know it sounds crazy.... But i feel such a strong presence all the time...

I try to shake it away sometimes... But I feel like he is ALWAYS there....and i clearly dont deserve it .... Or at least I don't feel like I deserve to be watched over and protected. And i know God cant look over every single person in the world. But let me tell you the feeling i get about this is strong. He's there.. Watching .. And I feel like he's just waiting for me to come home.


And now for something completely random and off topic... I seemed to have developed a crush for someones personality. And when i say personality, i mean i have no idea what this guy looks like. Becuase when he streams he doesn't show his face... Which i mean i get it... Not everyone wants their face out there. But its his sense of humour that he has that i vibe with. Doesn't take things serlously from those who comment live in chat. And kind of is a little sassy sometimes toward viewers.... Just very sarcastic lol which is funny. I also dont know anything about him either... Like is he straight.... Gay... Trans...etc. . But i guess that doesn't really matter...cause i know I'll never meet him in person. But it is weird to be attracted to someone's personality and not really know what they are you know ????


I did make him laugh a little during last nights stream though, from a comment i made in chat... and it kind of made my night not going to lie....i know its stupid .. But it made me smile... So hey live me alone lol. Its the small things in life that matter right ?? Lol...

Anywho, i know this was a bit lengthy then most of my posts... But I have been missing the longer entries and i know that some of you have to. But some days I just don't have the energy to write really long ones.

I think that will be it for today.... Unless i write later tonight. Have a good day!




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