I Hate Middle School
Nice Person On Discord Part 2
And I thought I was stressed out before! Wait till you read this!
Just for context, Jamie is Vinny, Olive is Olivia, and Avery is Athena (not to be confused with another Avery from my diary. Just a nickname I gave her for this conversation) I am me and the stranger is lyvie. When there’s a slash saying “responding to” above a message that means they’re responding to the message in quotes.
~~~ In dm's ~~~
Me: Hey, it's been a while. I don't know if you're still interested in listening, but if you are, some soap opera level crap just went down. If you don't want to listen that's alright, I was just wondering 😅
Lyvie: hi! it has been but its no problem :) ive been wondering how things have been going so im still glad to listen, whats up?
Me: I guess I should start from where we left off then. It doesn't get super weird till later but it's probably important to know the whole story
Lyvie: yea wherever you wanna start is good!
Me: Thanks. First of all, the bowling went great. Now that I knew about it, there was obviously something going on with Jamie and Avery but nobody was left out or anything. Hanging out was fun so after that we decided to go to a roller skating rink together with some friends. But the weird part is that Jamie didn't invite Avery to come with us.
Lyvie: oh interesting, wonder why
Lyvie: good to hear it was a fun time bowling :>
Me: And not only did he not invite Avery, he also hung out with some boy the entire time (Jamie's got a complicated sexuality but he likes girls and guys if I didn't tell you before). And yeah, that'd be cool and all but Jamie was ignoring everyone else even when they tried to talk to him just so he could hang out with that boy. They were holding hands and sharing a slushie and all that couple stuff while joking around that it "definitely wasn't homo." I guess it could just be normal joking friend stuff but it still makes me a little skeptical.
Me: Jamie's been leaving our lunch table to go talk to this boy at lunch too. He even skips walking to class with us after lunch for him. Like I said, they can be friends but he leaves in a rush - sometimes in the middle of a conversation - just to get a word in with this boy.
Lyvie: ah yea I didn’t know that, and honestly some gestures can be in a close platonic way but there’s a line where it gets suspiciously like more romantic which, since it’s been a while I forgot but they as in Jamie and Avery dated but broke up right? or are they still together?
Me: Jamie and Avery are still together, it's Jamie and Olive who broke up ^^
Lyvie: oh that’s righttttttt no wonder I felt unfamiliar with the names, that clears it up, i remember now Avery was the new girlfriend
he sounds awfully suspicious then
Me: Yeah... And speaking of Jamie and Avery, he does the same thing with her too. He leaves in the middle of conversations without even saying goodbye just to talk to her. I get it, they're dating and they don't get to see each other a lot. They want as much time as possible. But really? Not even a goodbye or a sorry, I gotta go? He can leave me without saying anything all he wants but he's upsetting Olive too. Ex's or not we're all still best friends. Both me and Olive ended up feeling like we're not even worth a goodbye, you know?
Me: It just doesn't feel very good to know that 3 extra seconds with someone else matters more to him than any form of [proper] goodbye
Lyvie: yeah :/ and it’s not even hard to do that, it’s not asking for a lot
Me: I just hate it because he's not a bad guy. He's nice and fun and happy I swear, something's just been up with him lately. With all the gf's/suspicius boys and the lying and everything. Maybe I'm lying to myself. But Olive's noticed it too. Jamie seems double-sided lately. Like whatever you do it's a flip of a coin. Say we showed him a meme. He's either bursting out laughing. Being his bubbly, energetic self. Or completely disinterested to the point where he just says "mhm" in the most get-out-of-my-sight tone I've ever heard come out of him.
Lyvie: ah yea that is weird, like unexpected rather than it being expected from him, maybe it has to do w something that’s happened or you’ve gotten to see this ‘side’ more bc he’s been less careful or since you’ve gotten closer, but it is rather strange
Me: He also tends to just randomly stare into space sometimes no matter what we do. In the middle of conversations, he just goes blank-faced and stares ahead like we're not in the middle of talking. We wave our hands in his face or we talk to him but he just does that till we shut up. I want to say he's not doing it on purpose but he only does it when someone says something he doesn't like and he'll remember what we said while he was staring off. It's just weird.
Me: I don't know whether to be worried or annoyed. I don't want to overreact, but I also don't want to ignore it if something's obviously wrong - whether that's mentally or physically
/responding to "I don't know whether to be..."
Lyvie: yeah that’s reasonable, very balanced way of thinking
/responding to "He also tends to just randomly..."
Lyvie: hm that’s kinda concerning, when you say smth he doesn’t like do you mean he’s uninterested in the topic or he dislikes it like quite negatively, is there a pattern yk or has he always done this or more recent
Lyvie: also as a general thing, have you confronted or talked to him abt any of your concerns like has it come up in convo?
/responding to "hm that's kinda concerning when you..."
Me: This is a recent thing unless I was just stupidly ignorant for the past 5 years
/responding to "also as a general thing, have..."
Me: I've been trying to slowly work things into conversations but we're not very emotional friends at the moment. Plus with him always leaving mid-sentence and generally avoiding any emotional subjects like the plague, it's impossible to get this kid to talk
Me: And there's always the risk of him just being like "what the heck are you talking about?" and acting like I'm delusional
/responding to "I've been trying to slowly work..."
Lyvie: ah yea I can imagine that’s the case
Lyvie: mmm yea sometimes it’s best not to get too into something esp if they give signs of not wanting to get into it
Lyvie: but I mean you should be able to do so, as his friend, close friend even, it’s kinda worsening (?) your friendship bc of what’s happening w him and he’s not really communicating or clarifying/explaining what’s going on
Lyvie: but how are you and Olive going since the situation unfolded?
Lyvie: oh! also if you haven’t finished the story bit and I’m interrupting feel free to continue cuz I’m unsure if there is more^^ I just don’t wanna seem like I’m not paying attention so I’ll ask questions if that’s cool
/responding to "but how are you and Olive..."
Me: Honestly, we've been better. Don't get me wrong, we could be way worse, but we both have stressful things happening in our personal lives as well as being concerned for Jamie and it's just all a bit overwhelming. Nothing we can't handle, this is all just a bit new to us
/responding to "oh! also if you haven't finished..."
Me: There is a bit more to the story but I'm perfectly fine with stopping to talk about this too. It feels good to get someone elses perspective on everything 🙂
/responding to "Honestly, we've been better. Don't get"
Lyvie: I see yeah, and I’m assuming you’ve been friends the same amount of time as Jamie, 5 years?
Me: I met Olive three years ago but we've all been good friends for the same amount of time
/responding to "There is a bit more to..."
Lyvie: ah cool, good to know! I’m glad I can give some perspective to a rather complicated n messy situation, since well i have like no bias/more objective pov since I don’t know them personally
/responding to "I met Olive three years ago..."
Lyvie: I see I see
Me: Yep! And with the last bit of the story - this is like a real life plot twist - just about six hours ago, Olive confessed that she's been into me since we met! Apparently, other than for the couple of months she was dating Jamie, she liked me!
Me: And the crazy part is, when we first met I'm pretty sure liked her too T^T
Lyvie: wait WHAT DIJSKSKJSL thats for real a rl plot twist omfg
Me: I know! Like, how am I supposed to feel about that!?
Me: But even if I did know how I felt it doesn't matter because she told me so I could reject her! She asked me to say something mean and reject her so she can get rid of her feelings and focus on herself. Like, what if I knew I liked her back? Instead, I just ended up saying "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKJADKUGCBWLIDHWOUDLGKDGWKUDG I can't be mean! How about this? I'm glad you told me you feel that way and I'm not saying that I don't feel like that too, but I'm not sure how I feel. I think it's better for the both of us if we just stay friends and focus on ourselves and each other in a friendly way for now :)"
Me: My life is such a messsssssss
Me: All I ever did was avoid confusion and drama. How did I end up like this? T^T
Lyvie: aw :( yea I understand the want to get hurt to get rid of the overwhelming feelings for someone esp if it’s a friend and you don’t wanna complicate things, i think the way you replied was good, straightforward and open, it’s definitely too complex when everything’s already a mess and to get into a relationship or try and figure out ur feelings so I’m glad you were honest abt how you felt, who knows what’ll happen later on but you guys sound like good friends that can depend on each other so I hope things continue to go well and improve, unfortunately it doesn’t seem that way for Jamie friendship wise
/responding to "All I ever did was avoid..."
Lyvie: pls 😭 drama comes to you lately
Me: Just my luck T^T
/responding to "aw :( I understand the want..."
Me: I'm glad you think I didn't mess it all up with Olive though. I'm not sure what the future'll be like but we definitely are good friends and I don't see us growing apart so I suspect it'll be alright. I'm scared you're right about Jamie though. I care so much about him but I can only do so much. We still have our great friend moments but they're becoming rarer and rarer and it's almost painful to think about >M<
Lyvie: yea but I mean crushes and romantic feelings for friends situations always kinda are complicated and messy, so I think you handled it p well not wanting to be mean but also just saying how you feel and what you think is best for the moment, which honestly is pretty hard when you don’t wanna hurt their feelings and you’re also unsure
Lyvie: yeah unfortunately that’s the case w Jamie and you can’t do much to improve it since you’re not doing anything wrong per say, it’s probably best to not emotionally invest much into the friendship if it goes like that and continues without an explanation and apology for his actions, it’s hard to let go esp since you’ve been friends for a long time but sometimes it really is for the best to let go or at least not put in too much effort and energy when it’s not MUTUAL yk? that’s really important in any relationship, if one is putting in all the work and care it never works out
/responding to "yeah unfortunately that's the case w..."
Me: I knowwwwww. It's just so hard to accept. Every time we have one of those amazing friend moments it's like he's reeling me back in. Giving me false hope. In a weird way, I want to believe that it's me and not him, that it's something I'm doing wrong and something I can fix. But every time I give him more attention or show him I care or try to spend more time with him he just doesn't seem to care.
Me: I just got close to him and we're already falling apart
Lyvie: mmm sometimes ppl aren’t who we thought they were or wanted them to be if that makes sense, we tend to have a bias to friends w all the memories attached and it’s scary to think of them in any way different
/responding to "I knowwwwww. It's just so hard..."
Lyvie: yea it honestly sounds unhealthy and not mutual, false hope is pretty painful bc u want it to be better and hope there’s a chance but it can get to the point it’s never gonna get there or even more toxic, if it hurts you more than it makes you happy, it’s a big sign you shouldn’t continue or like, that something needs to change, a confrontation, something yk
Lyvie: oh and you think it’s a you problem since they act like there’s nothing to fix or you’re overreacting, when in reality you’re really not
Me: Oh goddddddddd
Me: I hate how much everything you just said makes sense
Lyvie: ahaha yea does it? idk if you’ve thought abt it in that way before but ig I’ve learnt from my own friendships that it’s unhealthy to keep hoping and things not changing after talking abt what’s not working, some ppl just work better than others, it’s also why two technically ‘right/good’ people can have problems, i mean it’s p natural to sometimes have disagreements or miscommunication but both always should hear each other out and try to understand
Me: I never even considered it like that, really. I thought it was just my anxiety I guess. I'm glad you said something but damn...
Me: I don't really know what to say now-
Lyvie: yea it’s a lot to take in, it’s obviously quite overwhelming for you lately but it’s good to get that stuff off your chest and just let yourself rest yk? take care of yourself most of all
/responding to " I don't really know what to..."
Lyvie: that’s okay aha we talked quite a bit abt everything, it was good tho, good to catch up w you bc I didn’t know whether we would so it’s been pleasant genuinely! and I hope it’s been helpful for you too :>
Me: It really has helped me so much. You're so nice and your non-biased position helps so much. I'm gunna go think about everything but it's really been great talking to you. Tysm ^^
Lyvie: ofc; that makes me really glad :> cya and good luck w everything^^ take care!
Me: You too!