Gentleman ♀
I Hate Middle School
Lovely And Stressful
Hiiiiiiiiiiiii,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA you'll never guess what just happened! I kid you not, Olivia just emailed me (so her parents can't see it?) and admitted to having a crush on me in 5th grade! This might not seem all that big to you but I've never had anyone tell me they had a crush on me before and even more, I liked her too at the time. Isn't that insane! I can quote from my old written diary, "I wouldn't call it a crush but Olivia makes me feel amazing! She's funny, pretty, not judgemental, weird, tomboy! She's perfect!" Then I go on to write about how I wear my hair down because she likes it and how the more I talk about her the more I like her. It looks like by the end of that entry I'm practically squealing about her. It's cringey, but cute of me. Especially knowing that she liked me back.
The messages went like this,
-- -- -- --
Olivia - Hey so this is kinda awkward but so in 5th grade, I "liked" Mike and you know that but the thing is... I didn't. Actually.... Uhm... I tried to fit in by saying I liked em and yea... In 5th grade, I actually did like someone. Lemme just say the whole cantelope name was valid and I may have liked someone whose initials were MMK. ._. I was mad at myself for it, and I had to act like a whole different person because then, I thought gay= bad weirdo person. I wouldn't have told you but I constantly feel guilty for my whole 5th grade lie. Also I don't like keeping this from you. Maybe just don't tell anyone about 5th grade me... thank you and I'm really, really sorry
Me - Omg you liked my mom!?!?
Olivia - 🤣🤣🤣 I didn’t know you had the same initials
Me - Jkjk. Although I’m definitely surprised, it’s alright. I promise not to tell anyone and I’m glad you told me. If it makes you feel any better though, I don’t think it was a full fledged crush but 5th grade me might have had a liiiiiittle feelings for a certain person who’s initials may or may not be ORL O .O I’m glad we’re good now though :)
Me - And yeah, Melanie May Kollar lol
Olivia - My face is bright pink right now………..
Me - It’s alright, mine is too >M<
-- -- -- --
After that we talked a bit about my email signature (sent from an idiot) then we continued on
-- -- -- --
Olivia - Why did you like me of all years, my worst year of existence?
Me - Sorry that I'm 10 minutes late but according to my old diary you're funny, pretty, not judgmental, and weird. Sounds pretty likable to me as long as you don't take it the wrong way ¯_(*U*')_/¯
Olivia - No problem :D eh I'm not too sure about the first 2, but the last 2 are
Me - Nonsense!
Olivia - : meh it's not really nonsense
Me - It's not really, not really nonsense UuU
Olivia - Honestly uhhhhhhhhhhh that lasted for more than 5th grade but I'm convincing myself to try and coast alone for a while since I don't wanna be annoying and crap and I guess nothing at this age really matters too much. I think I just am mentally trying to have someone to grab onto to keep myself mentally decent. I have no clue if any of this makes sense. It's like I don't understand my brain... I don't understand myself. If anything is weird just ignore it because I feel like I have a split personality. I really don't understand myself and stuff.
Olivia - Honestly uhhhhhhhhhhh that lasted for more than 5th grade but I'm convincing myself to try and coast alone for a while since I don't wanna be annoying and crap and I guess nothing at this age really matters too much. I think I just am mentally trying to have someone to grab onto to keep myself mentally decent. I have no clue if any of this makes sense. It's like I don't understand my brain... I don't understand myself. If anything is weird just ignore it because I feel like I have a split personality. I really don't understand myself and stuff.
Me - I get what you're saying. It's 7th grade, anyone who does understand themself is lying. I'll be your rock if you'll be mine. But what do you mean by "lasted for more than 5th grade?" Do you mean like till 6th grade? Orrrrrrrrr... I don't mind, either way, I'm just wondering! OMO
Olivia - till like--- a month ago
Olivia - ._.
Olivia - *a random picture of Dwayne Johnson* the rock
Olivia - Well ok I said that weird. while it was vinny it was vinny- but before and a little bit after it was you
Me - That makes a bit more sense. And really? Nobody's ever said they felt like that for me ever TUT
Olivia - Cuz most people are losers
Me - Maybe from your angle
Me - Jkjk, you're not a loser. You just have really, really bad taste in women, that's all TUT
Olivia - dude you're amazing-
Olivia - also uhm... can you reject me so I can just like- stop my brain from thinking of people like this
Me - Uh- what do you mean exactly...?
-- -- -- --
And that brings us to now! Holy shit, what do I do!? Do I reject her like she wants me to or do I say something else?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA holy shittttttt she just said something elseeeeeeeee
-- -- -- --
Olivia - I still like you and I need to get an answer. Say something super mean and stuff so I stop liking you.
-- -- -- --
WHAT DO I DOOOOOO? I've been thinking about if I like her too recentlyyyyyyy. I think I feel the same as her though… I’m not sure. I'd for sure rather just focus on being friends though. At least for the time being. Until we both figure out what the he’ll is going on. Do I like her? Do I not? I’ve got a lot of thinking to do. I better respond now though! Let’s pray I don’t fuck this upppppppp.
— — — —
Me - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKJADKUGCBWLIDHWOUDLGKDGWKUDG I can't be mean! How about this? I'm glad you told me you feel that way and I'm not saying that I don't feel like that too, but I'm not sure how I feel. I think it's better for the both of us if we just stay friends and focus on ourselves and each other in a friendly way for now :)
Olivia - Thank yeeeeee!!! I agree 100% Now imma act normal at school tomorrow. nothing happened.
Me - Totally, this is 101% between us. I’m here if you want to talk about it ever again though ^^
Olivia - Thanks! same here
Me - Noted, see you tomorrow at school! Buh bye!
Olivia - Buh bye!
— — — —
Sooooooo... I think I handled that pretty well. I could've done better, yeah, but I could have done wayyyyy worse. But now what do I do? I can't just forget this, right? But I promised not to bring it up till it's really bothering me again. I don't want to make her uncomfortable or undo what the rejection did but I'd like to figure out how I feel about this. This is too much for me to think about right now, I'll write more later. This thing went from 'omg I might love her' to 'omg I might hate myself'. I'm so stressed out. Like I said, I'll write again soon. Bye...
~ Gentleman