Gone mental

Notes from my Black
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2022-04-10 04:21:33 (UTC)

Let’s be real hypocracy

The thing is, I’m easy. I don’t ask for much. I’m like an air plant… I just live. Give me attention every week or so, and I’m good.

Telling me I don’t need to lose weight while you starve yourself and tell me it’s so you can wear a swimsuit and so your jeans fit better… what makes you think I don’t feel that way? You made me this way. I didn’t use to be this way. I used to walk around in a Speedo and never questioned it. I used to change on the deck behind a tiny towel… and was totally fine with possible peepers. Now I shower with the lights off.

Maybe it’s true that I don’t HAVE to lose pounds… but I do need to lose some weight. I don’t feel like me. I haven’t been me for a long time.

The other thing is, I woke up to my heart racing. I’m wide awake and my body is practically vibrating. It’s unnerving. Looks like I’m done sleeping for the night.