AnnieKee99

Heroine
2022-04-09 13:42:24 (UTC)

Pleasanton

I cannot lie that God in many forms has walked with me, lifting me up out and over more times than I can count.
To this day how important was my life in his hands and why is it so boldly exaggerates and forgotten? So much hasty plotting and unlimited access to me. Only healthy successful women have been able to take advantage of the lessons learned from my isolation and abuse because you honestly can't thrive with somebody swoop jacking all the time. I earnestly believe if I had some balance and my resources that I would not be facing structural failure

In the beginning:
I was a small frog with so many other frogs that there was no way to jump out of the pot. In Pleasanton it was like living in fire and ice. A tumbling wheel of rude and dangerous and ticking time points before it was en vogue.

Everything was a trial
And the word was just coming out
Nigger-rig
Nigger-knock
Nigger-lip
Language without rhyme-sunk
(Look at me now this gang f***)
If it wasnt an inquisition about diction then it was an explanation of the spirituality emulsified in me that I cannot explain to this day. Why was I a child with children?

We can never go back.

So these Duff's keggers I freely admit were frosty. Kids 4 full years older than me pushing me around in conversation. Kelly and T**** scared out of their wits about me. Ca*** and St*** taking the liberties of their age having missED the need for connection absolutely embroiled in their own defense. Munchausen or not NEVER miss a mom. So much shame.

My xxxx hid me from kids my age and style. Just last night I got stood up by the Knolls. I was forbidden to see any boys unless it was competition. ANd you know how men LOVE that. Then Cl**** my parents and sistersss forbade me like Cinderella from going to the ball. . My consolation a spot of church and some catchup on whos dating who and what classes are hard. I had to build any character that I am all on my own.

So through this shroud, being called Buckwheat at a sleepover and voted off BY Kennedy, Crawford, White, Brigam,Lyons, Kaiser, until they found some tangible use for me was just another Caesarian cut in an immanent social demise.

In my mind I hear the thunder of hoofs aND boots as the administration stopped all sleepovers and parties upon penalty of expulsion. I remember the best of my contacts leaving to go to public school coming back saying WOW DEBBIE you are right black kids are SOOO different out there. I actually think u are cooler ( i had wrangled, izod, cigs, beer, rock rap and.poetry) but If you are smart you will get away from us.
FROM A FRIEND

So therapy, family mediation, court intervention, and basic.behavior indicated that my family life was toxic and I was granteD independence at 11,...more pain.

Yes please.

I was forbidden to attend public school, AGGRESS-IVELY, passed my GED on the first attempt and had to wait 3 years until age appropriate to take it again.
I spent my time with young children being an activst for the AFL-CIO, SAG, and Planned Parenthood. I did a series on Sexual Assault- Understanding you Abuser, Children Effected by Cystic Pregnancy, and Health Wellness and Spirituality course.

It surprised me how many blacks did not know Jesus. And because of pride and sensitivity in gender assignment did not chose to believe in God.
So these are the memories that another author has stirred in me. And they relate to my current situation for this reason. No one ever beat me, no one ever championed me, they USED me as a tool/conversation piece. Then when it came time to adjust to my accomplishments they visciously defunded me, ripped me apart verbally, and separated me from my goods physically. Why admit this now? Because the older you get the more support you should have. The more reasonable to have learned by observing someone elses mistake and avoid thst path all together.

With the mention of Aunt Carla, for me Francina, and seeing all this hope bottom out to existence for so many people I am just STUCK.

I can tell by the waves that as of April 7th someone is respecting the Gag order and Restraining orders that were put in place in 1998, but to what avail?

I can only play the games I am invited to and again this is about basic maintenance and safety in front of hackers that can change every line and have been preparing to attack my finance, health and reputation for years.

This is overkill, i can barely get to the Dunny camp, CLDS, COGIC, and having to hide in the projects for 4 years with colic-y angry children only to be SNATCHED back to an assignment that does not solve where someone elses continued theft of my intellectual property is physically unbearable.

With God on my side I will never shake and shed like some of the victims that I have seen. But there is no where for faith, hope, or trust when I just need my awareness and a continued flow of material wealth. I moved right with it. It is now an issue of humanity in practice when it could have been as simple. Each day I ask for God to give me peace-Let the cicadas fall.




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