Gone mental

Notes from my Black
2022-04-09 05:24:15 (UTC)

Boil it

I have learned this. If I want to post something here and pretty much know it won’t be read, so it on the weekends.

Boil it refers to the very bones of what I’m thinking.

Relationships are a crazy maze of navigations I don’t feel qualified to take part in. I spent years trying to be that person who was giving and giving and trying my best to make a relationship work. I got turned away for years- more than 5 actually. Being slowly driven out of your relationship is a slow torture. It changes you.

I’ve not looked at myself for a long time. Decades maybe. Maybe it’s a proso sort of thing where I just don’t feel comfortable looking at faces but I think it’s just me. I think I just got to where I despise myself enough that I can’t bear that vision. Looking at myself and pitying myself…or maybe just giving myself ample chance to analyze my flaws… it’s probably best I don’t look. It’s probably why I stay in the periphery of life.




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