Gentleman ♀

I Hate Middle School
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2022-04-04 16:58:23 (UTC)

What Do I Admire


I know I already talked about my meeting with that therapist lady twice but she asked me some good questions so I've been thinking about a few of them. One of them that I've been thinking about is what do I admire... What do I admire?

At first, when she asked me this I had to think. I was thinking of people. I don't think I have anyone that I admire. I don't know if that's sad or good but I see flaws in everyone and why would I admire someone flawed. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people's flaws whatsoever, but in my mind, I was thinking of admiration as wanting to be exactly like someone. My mom is too sensitive, my dad is insensitive, and celebrities are all fake. My parents have anger issues anyway, there's no way I'd ever want to be like them. They fight too much. Another good option is my grandparents but then again, probably not. My grandparents on my moms' side are nice but never want to visit or do anything unless it's getting paid to drive us to the bus stop or there's a birthday party. My other grandpa was a pretty good guy, he was really healthy and stuff so he's my best bet but he's just not the type of person I want to be. I would like to be healthy like him and have a garden like his though. My grandma on my dads' side is alright I guess. She's very pretty and nice but she refuses to move my cousin into a better, closer, neighborhood, and that makes me sad. He just sits in their tiny apartment all day long forever. He deserves better. And then there's my step-grandma. I thought she was nice but it turns out she was only visiting us (maybe once every year or two) because of my grandpa. After he died and gave all his money to my dad she tried to sue him and I think it's still going on. At first glance, Emma's a pretty good option too but she's only 16, and again, not the type of person I want to be.

After telling the therapist lady that there's no specific person I want to be like she said that I can admire traits too. Now, this is where I got thinking. My immediate answer was Olivia and how everyone trusts her. I want her ability to make everyone open up to her and talk to her. I guess I only know of a few people including myself that have opened up to her but it's still something I really admire. That was all I said to the therapist lady but I've thought of more after the appointment. I also admire her ability to be emotional with people. I guess this is pretty similar to my last thing but there's a difference. It seems like she never worries she's making a big deal out of something and she's very willing to tell me how she's feeling at the moment. When it's awkward she says it's awkward, when she's thankful I'm her friend she thanks me, when she's worried about someone she asks if they're okay. It's very admirable and it means a lot to me.

I figured I'll just do a list of what I admire about my friends so next up is Vinny, as usual. Something I admire about him is how friendly he is. He knows so many people and no matter what you do you can feel his happy energy rub off on you. Even a blind person could sense how friendly he is. I just can't stress how inviting his personality is. Maybe it's just me but just being around him is like hearing a voice in the back of my mind saying 'come get to know me'. It's why he has so many friends. Another thing I admire about him is his ability to be himself. He has anxiety, yeah, but despite that he's (semi) openly aroace, he auditioned and performed as Pinocchio, he's cried in front of people, and he's openly asked me to do his makeup in front of our friends and his family. But once again, just to put the nail in the coffin, his personality is soooo amazing. You can't even understand until you meet him. I'm so lucky to be one of his best friends. Note, or at least I think I'm one of his best friends. I mean, he's called me his bestie but that's become a general term for friend by now. We hang out almost every day and even outside of school so maybe I am. At least I know he's one of my best friends.

Next up is Riley. Something I admire about her is her artistic talent. She's good at paper art, digital art, and just everything. I'm so jealous of how awesome she can make everything look. It's like it comes effortlessly to her and even she thinks her drawings are meh. Mine look like shit compared to hers so I can't imagine how bad mine looks to her. Oh well, at least one of us gets to be talented TUT.

After Riley is Michael. I'll admit this one took some thinking but I think I've got it. Something I personally admire but I probably shouldn't is his ability to keep his mouth shut. I know it's probably not a good thing but I don't think he opens up to anyone. Something I wish I could do sometimes because every time I speak I always seem to say just a little too much. A good thing I admire about him though is his ability to always be in the know. Somehow he seems to know everything about everything, even when I know he obviously doesn't. I think that's why moments like him being bad at rollerblading and him snorting citric acid thinking it was sugar stick with me so much. I like knowing that people are imperfect, that's probably why I (admittedly) find him a bit intimidating. He dosent react much. Real smart though if you look past the ironic meme facade.

Next is Kiara. This one is obvious. I admire her luck with 'love'. I say love in quotes because chances are, none of it is really real yet, but even if it's fake she's still obviously feeling something that I'm not. She's had boyfriends and her first kiss and crushes. It's not like I want to date people right now, but I think that's the problem. I want to want to date people. I want to want to have crushes. You know? I'm upset that I'm perfectly happy without. And I know I'd date someone if the right person came along, I just can't see that person coming along anytime soon. I've been thinking that maybe I'm aroace like Vinny since he's dated two people already but still conciders himself aroace but I don't want to copy him (as stupid as it sounds) and I don't want to say anything I'm not sure of. I guess I just admire Kiaras ability to love people and have people love her. Have a song that reminds you of someone. It's cute and I think I'd make a nice partner if I ever loved someone.

Lastly is Avery. I don't think it's a secret how much I admire the influince she has over me. I don't get what it is about her but my 'parent of the friend group' powers just go out the window whenever I'm with her. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't do anything really stupid because she told me to but I'm definately more likely to do something idiotic when she tells me to. I'm also jealous of her ability to be so damn annoying without ever pushing anyone too far over their limits. That's how she bacame good friends with Michael right? And why we're still friends. And she's so pretty. I'm a bit jealous honestlly. Her parents have lots of money and she's absalutely gorgeous. She knows it too TUT.

I guess that's it for now. I'll write again soon! Buh bye!

~ Gentleman