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2022-03-28 18:06:37 (UTC)

now i understand but

i understand
what i want to be
who i wish to once again feel like
but still
i want to crawl out of my skin
out of my room
out of this world
or maybe i just want out of my head
what difference does any of it make
there's a sharp feeling in my chest/throat
i think im putting on a face again

i don't curse
not now
i wont when i become an adult either
its just how i was raised
how i am

im not very positive
its just not how i am
no enthusiasm to spare

so why do i try and seem like it?
whats the point? to attract someone? someone who will think i am one way and expect those things when i am truly the opposite
there isn't a point.

It's very silly. I'd call it peer pressure but I manage to end up doing it without anyone asking me to. Maybe it's some sort of follower mindset. The desire to be included. I should discard it as soon as possible.

But first, what should I do with the rest of my day? my brother is too loud.

Oh btw, I finished my homework. :)