Slowly descending into madness
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2022-03-27 13:55:07 (UTC)

Make-up to make up

Do you know what's so hard for me? Pretend that we're friends when I clearly love him. Do you know what's even harder? Faking happiness.

I am so grateful for university for moving to online classes. I'm taking a bit of time for myself to recollect and focus. It’s not going good so far. But I think that I'll recover from this phase.

I was getting tired of people asking, "why are you eyes swollen and red" "you don't look alright, are you okay", what do you even reply to these? Clearly I'm not okay. Clearly I'm going through something. But I have to politely answer, " thanks for asking, no this is just allergy attack". Because I know they're being nice. They're being good friends. So I need to put effort as well.

Next time university reopens, I'm going to put on make up. I hate those girls who put make up when they're going to university, but looks like I have to become one of them. It sucks. Life sucks overall. But it is what it is. If I have to put on the harshest red lipstick to cover up my tiredness, so be it, I guess. It doesn’t hurt to look nice, but it surely costs a lot of time.

Oh, I've started to accept the fact that I'm not good for him. I think it's time we stopped talking. I'll break things up slowly so he doesn’t understand that it's happening. Hurting him wasn’t my intention and my presence isn’t making it better, I hope he gets married to someone better for him.