Gentleman ♀

Stop Using It Against Me

Hey,

This’ll probably be a a short entry compared to my recent essay long rants but I just needed to get this off my chest so thanks for reading it anyway.

So, if you didn’t know, recently my mom found out I cut. It’s not that big of a deal, it’s like two — less than an inch long — cuts every other month, but I still do it so she still found out. And you know, usually that’s be a good thing, right? Now I’m getting help or whatever and she’s keeping razors and stuff out of reach. Fun, I know 🙄. But no! It’s not a good thing! It’s just another thing she can use against me when she’s mad!

Like today, I was asking if I could go to the skate station (a roller skating rink that teens where I live hang out). It’s something I do every once in a while, no big deal. And like usual she tells me not to do anything stupid. I, as always, assure her that I’m not dumb and that I won’t do anything stupid but now she tells me that I will! This bitch says that now she knows I do stupid stuff and that she thought she raised me better! What does that have to do with roller skating!? Just cause I cut a few times doesn’t mean I’m gunna be doing heroin in the bathroom stalls with my TWELVE AND THIRTEEN year old friends!

Or when I was afraid to text my aunt back she called me ridiculous. I jokingly told her she was ridiculous but then she told me that picking was ridiculous. Like I can help it! I know it’s ridiculous but she still tells me over and over. It has nothing to do with the conversation. When I got mad and asked her to stop she just laughed at me!

She thinks I’m cutting it to be cool, like shoving an eyebrow razor into my shoulder is gunna make me popular somehow. She’s honestly convinced that I’m showing my friends and that I’ll convince them to do it too. Like I’m that bad of a friend, or even a person! What kind of psychopathic insensitive bitch says something like that to their daughter? Am I really that bad of a person to the point where she’d think I’d convince my friends to cut? Am I that bad?

No! What the fuck am I saying? I’m a great fucking friend and if she can’t see that she’s a blind bitch and can go fuck herself. I’d never do something as horrible as that. I might not be the best person but I’m not a psychopath! I love my friends and if I found out they were cutting I’d at least encourage them to tell their parents and try to stop. If one of them cut because I did it I’d probably have a mental breakdown or three. My mom can take her fake sympathetic act and shove it up her ass. I’m not a bad person.

I won’t let her get me down. And I hope you don’t let anyone get you down either. If you’re reading this, asap go put in some headphones and listen to your favorite song. Take a walk or something. Go be happy for a while. I’ve gotta go now, buh bye!

~ Gentleman