Gentleman ♀

Pretty Good

Hello,

This paragraph and the next is just an update on the things going on in my life that I don't enjoy talking about. First, I guess my mom has me signed up for a psychologist and a psychiatrist now so that's fun. I didn't know there was a difference but google says that Psychologists specialize in talk therapy and Psychiatrists specialize in medicine and also a little bit of talk therapy. I don't see why I'd see both but whatever floats her boat I guess. I doubt you're wondering but just so my future self knows, I'd want to be a Psychiatrist (as a job) at the moment. Either way, I'm not very happy about it. She thinks I'm doing it cause I'm lesbian or trans or something. I told her I was too young to decide (and I feel like I personally am) but I don't think she believes me. She says I can tell her but even if I was trans I wouldn't tell her. Her and my dad are bith so against it I'd feel even less welcome at home than I already do :/ Whatever.

Another thing I should probably talk about a bit is the fact that my mom knows that Olivia cut in 5th grade. Before you worry about Olivia, as far as I know, it was only once in 5th grade and she promised to never do it again. Of course, she could've been lying, but I don't know. She refuses to tell me anything other than "parents talk" but I think she read my old diary. I mean, parents do talk but who's parents would know about that other than Olivias? And why would Olivia's parents tell anyone about that? I'm so pissed. She totally went through my stuff and found my old diary! What the hell? And one last thing I don't really want to talk about is that my mom said there are "things" that happened in her life that I don't know that made her the way she is. I don't really know what it could be but she said that she MIGHT tell me when I'm older. Great.

Now that that's over with, today's been good so far. I walked with Vinny the whole way to class -- told him to stop speed-walking off -- and Olivia got a new pair of shoes so that's cool. It's not the exact pair she wanted but it's her second pick so yay. They're the Vans X Crayola (Boys sk8-Hi) shoes if you were wondering. It feels good to not worry for a day. I mean, of course, I worry, but I don't think too much about it. My friend's (Vinny) acting weird? Yeah, that is pretty concerning. The best thing I can do is be there if he needs it. And that's it, no overthinking, just acknowledging it. It's got me pretty happy today despite all the shit going on.

Something kinda cool going on soon, I've been 'hired' by my neighbors to feed their gecko while they're gone. His name is Danny and I've never actually seen him before but he sounds pretty cool. All I have to do is walk in their backdoor and down the steps, spray the moist-hide-thing, take the pre-portioned crickets and roaches and put them in the bowl, then refill the humidifier. Maybe move the bowl around a few times or fill up the water if needed. Easy enough, hopefully. We've been looking to get a reptile pet soon so maybe if I like it enough I'll get a gecko myself. That'd be pretty cool but it's just a thought.

I don't know what I can't wait for but I feel excited about something. It's kind of like that feeling I talked about a while ago, where it feels like I'm on a temporary bad vacation, is almost over. Of course, it's not (in fact it'll probably get worse), but it still feels good. It kinda feels like I'm about to go to a concert or something but that might just be because I'm blasting music in my ears right now lol. I'd kill to go to a concert this summer or spring break. 21 Pilots is coming to where I live this year, although later, so maybe we'll go there. The tickets might be hard to find though so that sucks. It would be so cool though! I wonder if artists like going on tour... I mean, it sounds pretty cool but I could also see them getting bored of it after so long. And with all the choreography that some of them do, it's gotta be tiring. I bet they enjoy it in the long run though. Traveling the world, singing, dancing, and making a living off of it. Really cool.

On a slightly less happy topic but still happy, something I've noticed about myself recently is how I selectively pick up peoples' body language. Like, I don't naturally nitpick every move people make. In fact, I try to avoid being nit-picky. But when I'm concerned about someone or thinking about them a lot like, say, Vinny, no matter what the hell I do I notice every other move they make out of the corner of my eye. To the point where it's borderline creepy. I don't mean to do it but I guess it's kind of useful if not upsetting. I guess it'd be more useful though if I trusted my instincts. Someone could literally be crying and I'd still be like 'okay but what if they're joking'. Usually, I'm not wrong but the thought of it being a one-off occasion scares the hell out of me. And I don't want to make a big deal out of something small like someone rubbing their face cause they're kinda stressed out. I mean, maybe it's all in my head but at least I kinda like to tell myself I can read people.

Idk if anyone reading this is into Rick and Morty but I've been watching a lot of that lately. I'm literally 13 so don't judge me if I'm late to the party. Late or not though, it's super good so far. I've heard that it gets worse later in the show but I don't think I'm there yet so yay! Don't judge me but I've also been reading some Rick and Morty fanfiction. I've only read most of one so far since 99% of them are all incesty (yuck!) but the one I'm reading is really good. It's called White Senses by (insert writer here if I ever remember) on AO3 if you happen to be interested. I won't say too much but it's got a lot of hurt/comfort and Rick actually being a good grandpa all while still being in character so it's an 11/10 in my book. Soooooo cute! I wish it were more like that in the show but I guess that would kind of stray away from the kind of show it is. Really really good show!

Imma go now but I hope your day is awesome! Buh bye!

~ Gentleman