Slowly descending into madness
2022-03-24 20:28:49 (UTC)


I have two close friends. Mim and Tahsin. Both are my university friends. The three of us had an extreme transition lately, it's so brutal you cannot skip even if you want to. Cause of the transition: break up/ heartbreak.

Both of them had a break up after almost 3 years of relationship and I was going through a heartbreak phase. All 3 of us started getting high suddenly, started smoking heavily and bought vape because we cannot smoke inside our house. None of us were extreme like this but this phase sort of made us insanely daring. It’s kind of like, "I can do whatever the fuck I want, I don’t have anyone so I don't have to take care of myself".

I personally feel this is the case. As human beings, we're very interesting. We live for another being, not for ourselves. I think this is beautiful and tragic at the same time.

Love and other drugs has a scene, where Anna cries and says, " I'm going to need you more than you need me" after that she says "it's not fair". I can spiritually relate to this scene. It hurts, it's supposed to hurt. I'll never ever confess to him that I need him more than he will ever need me. Like him, I am a little kid as well, only more vulnerable.

I'm not going to be selfish. I'm going to be reckless. That's better than being selfish.