Gentleman ♀

I Hate Middle School
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2022-03-19 04:25:59 (UTC)

Nice Person On Discord (kind of a recap of the last month)

Just for context, Jamie is Vinny, Olive is Olivia, and Avery is Athena (not to be confused with another Avery from my diary. Just a nickname I gave her for this conversation) I am me and the stranger is lyvie. When there’s a slash saying “responding to” above a message that means they’re responding to the message in quotes.

~~~ In a vent server ~~~

Me: Hey, can I dm someone and vent for a while? If you want to know, it’s about my friends and their secrets and their relationships. If not that’s okay ^^

Lyvie: do you still need someone?

Me: Yes please 😅

Lyvie: sure! dm me

~~~ In dm’s ~~~

Me: Hi. Thanks for actually responding, I didn’t think anyone would TUT

Lyvie: hey, it’s no problem :> we all need an ear sometimes

Me: I guess so 🙂 sorry in advance if it takes me a while to type, it takes me a while to put things into words

Lyvie: ah no worries i also kinda do that so I understand, feel free to take your time^^

Me: Thanks
So I guess I’ll start at the beginning. I’m in middle school and in drama club with this kid I’ve known for five years, I guess I’ll call him Jamie. Around the end of the performances I realized that he’s not just my friend but he’s like a brother to me. I felt really close with him and wanted to get closer.
Then there was our other best friend, I’ll call her Olive, and we got super close too. She kept telling me that I was her best friend and how much she trusted me and how she tells me everything. It felt really good because I’ve been trying so hard to be a good friend, keeping secrets, being a good listener, and considering everyone’s emotions. I thought they both trusted me.

Lyvie: hmm okay, I’m still here listening btw just in case it seemed like I wasn’t bc of typing

Me: But one day Olive texted me over the weekend. She said she had to tell me a super secret secret. I told her she could tell me anything but then she told me that her and Jamie have been dating for 3 months! It’s just middle school so it wasn’t anything serious but still, my two best friends were dating for three months and I didn’t even notice! People used to tease them that they looked like a couple and I actively assured them that if they say they don’t like each other, I believed them! I just feel kinda betrayed honestly… they told me that they trust me and I told them hat I trust them but they lied and it hurts
Also, it’s alright

Lyvie: ah I see, so you’re close to them both but they didn’t tell you they started dating?

Me: Yeah

Lyvie: yeah I often type my thoughts out in between but feel free to finish typing what you’re saying before replying if you’d like

Me: Okay, thanks

Lyvie: I wonder why they didn’t tell you earlier?

Me: I have no clue
It turns out Olive was texting me to tell me that they broke up

Lyvie: and do you or do you not have feeling for the guy you feel like is a brother bc u said u want to get closer but do you mean that in a platonic way?

Me: No, not in a love way. Just like a brother, completely platonic

Lyvie: oh so they broke up the day they told you about the dating?
are they on bad terms now?

/responding to “no not in a love way…”
Lyvie: I don’t see why they wouldn’t tell you then if they were both close to you, maybe they didn’t tell anyone ? or did others know

Me: I don’t think anyone else knew
And here’s the thing, Olive told me that Jamie didn’t know she told me. So Jamie still thought that I didn’t know. We ended up telling him and they’re in good terms now but it still stressed me out a ton.
Like, how am I supposed to let them know that it hurt me? They’re the ones going through a break up so I should be the one being there for them. And they completely had the right to keep it a secret. They’re my best friends but that doesn’t mean that they have to tell me everything. It’s just messing with my head and how close I thought we were.

Lyvie: well first of all i think its really mature of you not to take it out on them bc often we can feel betrayed when focused upon the bad, like them not telling you abt them dating, but maybe they trusted you with other things and for some reason only told you after they broke up; but also that its completely valid to feel how youre feeling bc of the trust you put into them

Me: You don’t know how much I appreciate hearing that TUT

Lyvie: so you shouldnt blame yourself when you havent done anything wrong, maybe give it some time to process your feelings and for them to heal from their breakup before going over it bc i think itll be necessary to talk it thru w them on how it made you feel, you dont wanna keep that inside eating away at you when they might not have intended to hurt you either or dpmt not know that youre hurting bc of something they dont know is doing so - if that makes sense

/responding to “you don’t know how much I…”
Lyvie: and ofc, its easy to focus on the details that make you upset at them or yourself but from what youve told me, you really havent done anything wrong or harmful and its natural to feel strongly abt something seemingly smaller to others bc of your closeness

Me: I’m just afraid that I’m the only one thinking we’re close

Lyvie: you sound v kind and thoughtful from our short convo so far, and i hope things can get better

Me: Thanks

/responding to “I’m just afraid that I’m the…”
Lyvie: ah,, that can very much be an issue

Me: Yeah, and I managed to convince myself that I was just being paranoid but get this- Jamie did it again!

/responding to “ah,, that can very much be…”
Lyvie: in that case id suggest trying to do more things you enjoy outside of your friendship w them, if you can make other friends w similar interests bc it might hurt a lot if you put so much effort into a few ppl and they continue to betray your trust
once comfortable talking to them again/at a good time, talk to them abt how things made you feel and based on what they say, if theyre understanding and change what theyve done to hurt you/apologise, hopefully theyll reassure you that you mean as much as they mean to you

/responding to “yeah, I managed to convince myself…”
Lyvie: they did something again?

Me: Yeah… Today, barely a week from when I found out about Olive and him, I was hanging out at DQ with Jamie, Olive, and a few of our friends. After everyone left it was just me and this girl, I’ll call her Avery. Me and Avery were just talking when suddenly she asked me if Jamie “told me”. At first I thought she was talking about Olive and Jamie but I said no anyway. She ended telling me that her and Jamie were dating now! Jamie broke up with Olive to get with Avery and even after I told him that he can tell me anything he still didn’t tell me
And this time their relationship isn’t even a secret! Avery thought I knew. When I told her I didn’t she was obviously upset and I was just completely fried. I had to explain the whole Olive and Jamie situation to Jamie’s new girlfriend so she didn’t think I was some inconsiderate idiot
It wasn’t fun…

Lyvie: thats a bit sketchy

Me: I know!

Lyvie: wait so avery didnt know he dated olive before her?

Me: she did, she just didn’t care

Lyvie: i dont see why hed need to hide it

Me:That’s what I’m saying, I don’t get it

Lyvie: yeah thats weird, as close friends i would think hed be happy to share w you

Me: I thought so too. I ended up texting Avery later and apologizing for acting a bit weird about them being together. I told her her not to take it personally that Jamie didn’t say anything, I said he was just a big ball of nerves and was probably nervous because I’m good friends with Olive.

Lyvie: ah yea perhaps, still i feel like by not telling you its worse bc it creates misunderstandings finding out through other ppl

Me: Yeah, I just don’t see what I’m doing wrong. I mean, me and Jamie tease each other but it’s in a joking way. I even told him that he can tell me anything. That took guts in my part. When people argue I don’t take sides, I listen, I don’t judge, I just give suggestions. I have no clue what I can do to make it better.

Lyvie: mmm, sometimes we do all we can and its up to the person to do something more in return, its not your fault at all, theres probably not much you can do or anyone can do bc after all it is his life and choices
even though u said they didnt end on bad terms, its still suspicious they broke up quickly and he started dating someone quickly?

Me: It’s super suspicious. I know for a fact that Jamie broke up with Olive the same night he and Avery got together

Lyvie: might be good to talk to olive abt your concerns and what happened when they were dating after you give them time to move on first, instead of asking jamie since he sounds a bit idk, shady

/responding to “It’s super suspicious. I know for…”
Lyvie: and does olive know? u said they werent trying to hide it this time

Lyvie: but doesnt mean olive knows bc well you didnt know until avery told you

/responding to “even though you said they didn’t…”
Me: Avery told me that they got together the last day of the play, backstage. Olive said they broke up over text after the play.

Lyvie: oh man thats a p awful move

Me: I know 😦
Olive doesn’t know they’re dating yet. They told all of Averys friends but didn’t tell any of Jamie’s friends.

/responding to “I know 😦”
Me: Quick note, idk why that looks like a surprised face, it was supposed to be a frown

/responding to “Olive doesn’t know they’re dating yet…”
Lyvie: yikes

Me: Yeah, she’s gunna find out eventually and she’s not gunna be happy. Not mad, but definitely upset

Lyvie: i mean based off you three being close before this happened, im assuming hes been a good friend disregarding the recent situation
its hard to know who even close friends really are if youve not known them too long esp but also if they hide parts they dont want you to see

Me: Yeah, he’s a really good person with a great personality and tons of friends but recently it’s been different… ish

Lyvie: there might be reasons why hes doing that bc being vulnerable is a brave thing to do but i dont see how him telling you hes dating ppl would hurt your friendship
so it’s kind of unusual

/responding to “yeah, he’s a really good person…”
Lyvie: i see

Me: He’s still the same in person irl and everyone treats him like normal but the story I’ve been piecing together from Olive and Avery paints him in a completely different light. I don’t really know how to feel about it

/responding to “so it’s kind of unusual”
Me: Yeah, it’s not like he’s a closed off person either. I mean, he’s not super open but he’s cried in front of me before and we’ve hugged a few times and we’re even planning a day where I can do his makeup for fun. He’s not super masculine or closed off so I have no clue what’s going on with him

Lyvie: thats really strange and sounds out of character to do what hes done then

Me: Exactly

Lyvie: but id still say that dont take things too personal or quickly/rush things bc everyone has a reason why they do smth and it might not be right but you should act accordingly to what ppl are putting to you, if he keeps not telling you things i wouldnt be too open to him, if olive confides in you; she probably would appreciate your support, above all before other ppl; its cliche but so sooo important that you take care of yourself
im sure anyone would be lucky to have a friend who's understanding, who they can trust n rely on, have fun w and be themselves, so its anyones loss if they treat you badly or continue to, stand up for yourself and dont change yourself to please others

Me: Thanks, I’ll remember that. I’d do anything to help my friends, whether that means opening up with them or closing off from them. But I also know when enough is enough, if I feel like it’s too much I’ll do something about it.

Lyvie: that’s really good :)

Me: I appreciate that. I love my friends but I can’t help them if I cant even look at them without frying my brain 😅

Lyvie: yeah i understand what its like, sometimes ppl need breaks from their own friends or conflict happens but if you can resolve it without hurting anyone i find that the friendship could get stronger, often its not easy though and youre more affected by emotions and the hecticness of time; all in all i hope you take care and itll resolve itself in time :>

Me: I should probably go to sleep now but I’d just like to say, thank you so much. You don’t know how much this conversation helped me. I don’t know what’s going on with everyone but I have their best interest in mind and I’ll do everything to help ^^

Lyvie: I’m really glad :) sleep well and feel free to update me if anything happens or you need an ear bc I’m glad to help, goodnight!

Me: I definitely will. Me, Avery, Jamie, and a another friend who knows about them are going bowling on Sunday so that’ll be fun 😅
Good night

Lyvie: ooo hope it goes well and you have fun! gn^^

/responding to “ ooo hope it goes well and…”
Me: Thanks : )