nobody

nobody
2022-02-28 22:05:07 (UTC)

Therapy maybe

I was thinking of maybe trying therapy, but I'm not sure. I know my problems are mainly physically rooted with my health issues. But sometimes I just want someone to talk to for advice to cope or whatever. If I can't get physically better at least someone to talk to help me figure out life being so sick and weak on my own.

I tried once years ago in college. The guy said some shit to me that put me off. The first thing he said when I said I brought up my health issues the severe fatigue and stomach issues was suggest my problems were psychologically rooted, depression and anxiety. And when I explained my family history of autoimmune disease and all the abnormal test results I had, he just looked at me confused and said "I'm not a doctor I don't know what you want from me."

A couple thoughts popped into my mind when he said that. Maybe I should ask to switch therapist or maybe I should explain to him I don't want a doctor even medical doctor because they don't even help me, I just wanted advice to help cope with the situation and people who don't believe call me lazy, slob, drug addict or whatever accusation. But I didn't feel like I should have to explain to him how to do his job so I just gave up and never went back. Figured they can't help me I'm better off spending my money on actual doctors.

Since then I spent probably close to 100k on doctors mainstream and alternative naturapaths. Trying everything under the sun. Nothing worked. And I'm still just as sick as ever if not more so and more depressed and defeated than ever. I am thinking of trying another therapist. I don't know what I'm looking for even though. I just want support and compassion. To not feel like a hopeless burden. I've been trying dating apps more but I don't get shit from them. Just a bunch of guys who couldn't care less about me looking for no strings attached sex. I guess you have to be really perfect to be considered for anything more than a booty call. Be able to cook and clean all the time, be put together emotionally, have a clean past etc. Not things I'm capable of.

Maybe therapy isn't for me. Maybe dating isn't for me. Maybe this world isn't for me. I'm not thinking about killing myself don't worry. I'm just not really sure what to do anymore.




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