I Hate Middle School
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I Did Not Expect That
Umm, holy- crap. Holy fucking crap. What in the actual hell just happened? You're not gunna believe me! Well I guess you have no choice but to believe me but I guess now you know how I feel. You get told something unbelievable then you just kind of have to accept it. Yeah, you might get some answers but in the end you're still confused a hell.
That was emotional. I guess I should probably tell you what happened then if I'm going to get all freaked out over it. So it technically started at around 4:50 where Olivia said hi over text, but after I said hello she didnt text me back till 8:06. We talked about some unimportant things like... The alphabet and elmo (don't judge us okay) and then she asked me if I could keep a secret. "Like an extremely secret secret" according to her. I told her of corse I could, what kind of friend would I be if I couldnt, and she asked me to wait while she found the right words to say. I'll be honest, there were only two things I thought it could have been. She was either going to tell me more about her past *ahem* trauma... or she was gunna admit that she liked Vinny. WELLLLLLLL, her liking Vinny was a biiiiiiiiit of an understatement because THEY WERE DATING FOR FOUR FUCKING MONTHS!!!! She was texting me to tell me that they broke up!
God... I don't even know how to feel about this... I guess I feel kind of betrayed. They're both my best friends and I thought they (especially Olivia) knew they could tell me anything. Instead, both of them not just kept secrets from me but they lied to me too. Everyone kept saying how much like a couple they looked and how they were totally into each other or dating but I defended them and actively assured them that I didn't believe it. I said that they were my friends and that if they said they didn't like each other like that then I believed them. I feel so stupid.
I guess I should have seen it though. It was obvious looking back on it. Everyone else saw it clearly except for me. It took me three months just to be suspicious let alone actually get let in on the secret. Like one day when we were in the gym for osme class reward our friend Zach started joking about how they looked like a couple. Nothing really unusual but I decided to, you know, respect my friends and not tease them about it. I've learned from Avery and Kiarra not to get involved in teasing someone about a crush. It seemed like all fun and games but remembering it now, after Zach brought it up Olivia was not really trying to deny it and Vinny just looked stressed or something. Everyone else was messing around and playing the volleyball thing (flash back to breakinf Zachs glasses >M<) but Vinny was doing some wall-sitting type shit and looked just detached. I suck at picking up on irl emotions and even I could tell something had changed. Of corse my scared ass didn't say anything but there was 100% something up with him.
Either way Olivia told me not to tell anyone about it and said not to be confused if she acts weird tomorrow. In my mind I was going what the fuck but I just told her that thats not at all what I'd expected. I said that I'd keep it a secret and that I'm at least glad she eventually told me. She said that she wanted to tell me but Vinny seemed reluctant so she was in a "crappy spot". Apparently "he was the one who pull the plug on the whole thing". Although I was completely dumbfounded I remained calm like the stupid bitch I am and asked if I could ask a few questions. I made sure she knew that she didn't have to answer anything she didn't want to and she told me to ask away. This is when I asked how long it had been going in and she told me since November. I rightfully said holy crap and she said she'd been a wreck since last night. I made note that they broke up last night then assured her that it was normal to be upset.
I needed to know how to act tomorrow so I asked her if Vinny knows that I know. She said that he didn't and asked me not to tell him. I promised I wouldn't say a word but strongly suggested that she at least let him know that I know. She asked me why and I explained that they're both my best friends and that they both had a part in being in a relationship. If she knows that I know, he should know that I know too. She obvuoisly switched the subject and asked me to help her out with not making it awkward between them. Although I was upset by the fact that she switched the subject I figured I'd let ber brush it off for now. I definitely will make her tell him at some point though or at least have her have me tell him. I know we're only in 7th grade but he has a right to know that I know as I have the right to know that they were dating. Maybe they didn't tell me but that's exactly why Vinny needs to know. I told her that I was here to help and asked if they were still on speaking terms / were staying friends. According to her, he said word for word,
“ I’ve been thinking for a while about us being together and I genuinely liked you and still do but I just want to say that I’d rather be just friends that in a relationship with you - I hope you don’t take this a wrong way or anything, I still want to be friends but I’m just saying what I think”
Bad grammar and all, it didn't seem made up on the fly. She texted it too fast to not be copied and pasted. I concluded that they were still friends but not dating and she confirmed. I was a little skeptical about the text since Vinny's mom apparently checks his phone but she dodged it by suggesting that maybe she sent the text to Olivia or she made Vinny send the text. I ended up telling her in the most toned-down way possible that it was definitely Vinny who broke up with her. Of course, there's still a possibility that Vinnys mom said something but she seems like a nice lady and I couldn't see Vinny dating anyone. He seems like the 100,000 friends, emotional, free spirit type. Not one to be in a relationship at this age.
She agreed that it probably wasn't his mom and I asked when specifically they broke up. She said it was the 11th, that night after the last performance of the musical. It was kind of weird seeing that on that night they were talking like normal. Mutually keeping a secret from me and hours away from a breakup. Looking back on it, Vinny was probably thinking about breaking up at that very moment. When I told him that Olivia was there he probably thought about all that shit. Kind of a fucked up memory but I guess I'm only 13 and they're both only 12 so I'm probably overreacting.
She said she'll "show me the rest" in the pod in coding class, whatever that means, and I agreed to meet her there then. She said that she feels like it was all her fault but I assured her it wasn't. She said that the fact that he said "just friends" made her feel like they went from B to A to C. As in they went from best friends to dating to just friends. I assured her that sometimes things just don't work out and that it's not like anything bad happened to where he doesn't like her anymore. He said he still likes her, he just doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. She said that sje knew but he said this later on in their conversation,
“ I mean that I didn’t like you as much as you did and I didn’t know how to say that so I was just being awkward I’m sorry"
She said that throughout the entire thing that she felt like she wasn't doing enough so she feels like they both didn't understand. I said that it was nobodys fault, there was a miscommunication. I didn't say this to her but yeah he was in the wrong for not telling her that he didn't feel the same but he was also put on the spot and nervous. I could be wrong but Vinny, although being outgoing and having endless friends, is just a big ball of anxiety and emotion. I think most people are to be honest. In the end, we're all both narcisists and empaths at the same time and no one wants to talk about it. We all hate ourselves yet think that we're somehow more intelligent or aware than most. Back to the story though, she said that she didn't want to seem desperate for him back. I told her that they agreed on the possibility of them both being friends again but reminded her that she had to respect his boundries. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship, then she can't make him. She agreed but it turned nine and she had to leave. We said our goodbyes and I reminded her that I was always there if she needs to talk then that was that.
I didn't mean to write an essay on this whole thing but here I am. I guess I'll gove some final thoughts then go to bed. It's 1:35 and a school night. So, things I'm unsure about... does Olivia want to get back together with Vinny or not? She said she didn't want to seem desperate but why would she seem desperate unless actively trying to get back together? I guess I get what she could be trying to say but I refuse to make any noneducated assumptions about anyone. Another thing I'm not sure about is if we're ever going to tell Vinny. I 100% think that we should but I won't say anything if Olivia doesn't want me to and/or Vinny doesn't come to me. I doubt he would come to me at the moment but he's an emotional and relatively open kid. A girl can dream right? I guess we'll find out tomorrow. I have no clue how any of this could play out so wish me luck! Maybe it'll be a big deal separating everyone, maybe it'll involve Vinny more but stay civil, or maybe we'll never bring it up again after tomorrow I'll write again as soon as I have more info and time. No matter how it goes, pray for me!
(p.s. If anyone has time can you tell me if I'm doing the right thing? I'm not looking to start a conversation if you don't want to, I could just really use some assurance and/or advice. Thanks!)