Slowly descending into madness
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2022-03-11 08:36:32 (UTC)

Friendship (1)

I wanna tell you something funny about me. Even though I seem lovesick here, I will always put more effort in friendship than in lovelife.

I've learned something from my messed up love life. Love is a glorified form of friendship. You know the rush of feelings towards someone? The extreme feeling of butterflies in stomach? These don't last long. Do you know what lasts long? Codependency aka friendship. We choose our partners as a friend we can live a life with. We wake up, we suffer throughout the day, then there's someone at the end of the day who will catch us when we fall. That's what I look for in a lover. If it aint it, then the love is going to be temporary.

And I value friendship more than anything. And there's one thing I will never forgive, that's betrayal in friendship. For someone who has attachment issues, I have a hard time losing bonds. I do not like letting go. But unfortunately, people keep leaving, and I still have a hard time believing they were not for real the whole time.

Something like this happened two days ago. I lost a very close friend. Honestly I still cannot wrap my head around it. When I'll be able to digest everything, I'll write about it. Just not today. I never thought this would happen, but it did. And I feel lost. I officially have no one to fall back to.