Gentleman ♀

I Hate Middle School
2022-03-03 05:34:05 (UTC)

Feelin' good

Hello again,

So today (technically yesterday) was one of those rare days that went amazingly! Little to nothing went wrong and everything that did had a silver lining! I feel awesome so I figured I'd share this rare moment with you. Even more perfect, Feel Good INC by Gorillaz just started playing out of the blue. 13 hours and 3 minutes worth of songs to chose from and Feel Good INC plays now? I don't believe in destiny mumbo-jumbo but if I did this would 100% be a sign.

So first, the small things. There was one pack of my favorite candies (Costal Bay Strawberry Candies or as I call them Strrbrries) left in the entire store, hidden in a separate isle under a box. They barely ever have these candies so this was a great find. I also drew skeleton hands on my hands in gel pen which was pretty cool. Both looked half decent and I even did my right hand with my non dominant hand and still got complements on it. I also did one on Emma (friend not cousin) and Alis' hand and Ali said I should be a tattoo artist. I told her there was no way I would and/or could ever do that but I appreciate the compliment. Speaking of compliments, I got a few compliments on my hair today too. The funny -- and kind of sad -- thing is that today was the one day I didn't do my hair. I literally woke up, pinned my bangs in a weird way to wash my face, got them stuck like that, and went to school. I'll take what I can get though. Last thing real quick, Vinny's super into MHA rn so thats cool too!
Drama club makup crew went amazing and I got to see Vinny with slick-back hair. And with a straight black wig, it makes my day everytime I re-watch the live photo of him realizing I'm taking a photo of him lol.

Next, two more major things. The first being Emmas' (cousin) 16th birthday tomorrow. It's crazy how time flies! It feels like just a year or two ago we were celebrating Emmas' (around) 11th birthday in my basement because she was living in a small apartment with my aunt and uncle. Now I'm 13 and in middle school and she's 16, in high school, and can drive. She even has a job and had a boyfriend! God... what happened? Anyway, the extended family's doing a drive by parade and close family is having a party at her house this weekend I think. It'll be fun! The second good thing that happened was these fake nails I have to wear now. I know, it sounds stupid and weird and not really like something I would like but really I don't mind them. They look alright, feel meh, and most importantly... they stop me from picking almost completely! If you don't know what picking means, its pretty much gouging holes in my skin with my nails because why the hell not. For more info go check out my entry called Accidental Poetry. So yeah, its pretty awesome!

The last thing I have to talk about is half-good half-bad. You'll see why when you finish. So the first thing is that Vinny missed lunch and half of first period today. Mrs. Abend said he was in the office so we left it at that. Olivia was worried about him all lunch but I figured he got a lunch detention or something and assured her that he was fine. A little after he came back, at the end of 7th period LA, I asked him where he was. I guessed he had a lunch detention but he said no in probably the most "I don't want to talk to you, go away" voice I've ever heard come out if him. I was in a rush anyways so I figured he was just focused on saving his school work and I walked away. Later in drama club I asked him again where he was during lunch but he just brushed it off (I don't remember what he said) with an obvious tone change. This time it wasn't mean though, it was something in between nervous, sad, and uncomfortable I think. Noticing he obviously didn't want to talk about it I just said alright and left it at that. I wasn't gunna push him. I think we were both aware of what the other was doing but we didn't acknowledge it.

After all that, I was at home and decided to text Olivia and see if she knew where he went. To my surprise, she was worried too. She said all he told her is that he left to go somewhere. I told her I was a bit worried too and she said she was gunna text him about it. I didn't tell her not to text him but I did tell her to not bring up why he left. I told her that if we wanted us to know why he'd tell us. She agreed and decided just not to text him. She was obviously still worried though so I assured her it was probably nothing too serious and if it was he knows we're here for him. Plus, we don't even know if it was something bad that he had to leave for. For all we know it was just as likely to be something embarrassing. She agreed but said she still couldn't stop thinking of worst-case scenarios. I assured her that like I said, if he needs anything he knows that we're here for him and that if he doesn't need anything, that we've just gotta respect his privacy. She agreed but pointed out that he seemed nervous when he came back. She said she asked him if everything was okay because he seemed nervous but apparently he just said that he was fine and didn't think he seemed nervous. Then she agreed to leave it alone. I said that that was probably in his best interest.

She then told me that I was "so good at this stuff". She said I was "very good with dealing with peoples mental stuff". I asked her "really?" then said thank you. She said you're welcome and pointed something else out. She said that Vinny was rubbing or fidgeting with his elbow or something. I told her that he had a bruise or scab or something there and that it was probably just bugging him. She said alright then I suggested writing in a diary to her or writing a book of unsent letters like I do. She guessed he might have been seeing a therapist then thanked me for the suggestion. I told her she was welcome but then she said something amazing and unexpected. She told me that, not to be weird, but I was one of the few people she aspires to be like. I asked "really?" then told her it wasn't weird at all and that it actually means a lot to me. I told her that honestly, I aspire to be like her too. She cares so much about everyone and isn't afraid to ask if they're okay. I told her that it was very admirable and that I care, I just can't force myself to ask if someone's okay. I said I'd been trying and failing to work on it. She thanked me and said that she really meant it. She said I think about what other people want and am very respectful of them while at the same time doing my own thing and not caring what other people think. She also told me that she believes in me and that I can work on (in my own words) "confronting" people. I thanked her one more time and told her that it really does mean the world to me.

Not only did that conversation confirm that my efforts at being respectful and trustworthy haven't been for nothing but it also changed how I look at Olivia. It really feels amazing to have a friend like her. We can both use each other to aim for success. I've gotta go to sleep now but I'll update you soon on Emmas party and drama club. I'll also do an update if we find anything else out or suspect anything about Vinny. Goodnight! Buh bye!