~Bex~

FeelThat
2022-03-02 16:08:36 (UTC)

No more tears

I’m really upset rn. I probs shouldn’t and u can call me an emotional mess but I’m just really upset.
U know how I said there’s this girl who flirts with 🥰 and stuff. Well Yh. Basically I’m mates with her and stuff and she’s really nice but….
Yesterday was a good day, me and 🥰 had loads of convos and talked a lot but… I’ve always had my suspicions of him liking her but I always found a way to stay sane and unconvince myself. I told myself ‘oh ur paranoid so it’s just that’ , ‘no no no it’s just that they’re both really outgoing so they chat a lot’, ‘I swear she has a boyfriend already anyways so’.

Today I was sat in English and it goes: Me | 🥰 | J
They talk and talk and talk all lesson. It was already hard to stand but I was getting through. Today was different. I speak - he answers - back to J. I mean sorry but today I hated him. But… I don’t hate him…. I like him - a lot. Today they were full on flirting - they were touching and messing around, he was doing his fake laugh - HE NEVER DOES HIS FAKE LAUGH HE WAS JUST TRYING TO PLEASE HER. Last time he did his fake laugh was … well with me like a month ago. If he ever did like like me, well he doesn’t now. So today I’ve been super upset. I don’t even know why. Uurgh I must sound so spoilt and emotional I mean ‘gal get a grip’. But..but it’s hard. And it’s not even that I just don’t know why I feel so upset. I feel like I’ve been led on or betrayed or cheated on or something. I wanna go up to him and scream at him with rage and then just hug him and not let go, and then slap him across the face and then cry and then repeat. That’s how I feel.

U probs are thinking ‘gal maybe they’re just super flirty people’ but that’s not it.

As I walked out of English - already a bit mad and sad I was walking with my friends and talking about random stuff I turn and c he is walking and talking with J. THAT USED TO FLIPPIN BE ME. THEN IT WAS ALL OF US TOGETHER BUT WHY IS IT HER. I feel so betrayed and I swear I’m going crazy cos it’s not like we were ever dating or anything. I just, I just can’t anymore.

And as we were walking my friends turn cos I turned and they go ‘aaaw that’s so cute’ and they were talking about how much they ship it and I was just thinking if only u knew that I still like him then u wouldn’t be saying this. At least not in front of me.
I felt so alone.
The only person I had left and I felt I could talk to was R. So I left at lunch and hung out with her for the rest of the day. My friends did c me in lessons and ask what was up but I told them I didn’t wanna talk about it.

I think the thing is that I want the best for him also and I want him to be happy and I’d be all like ‘good for them’ if they dated. But I think if he asked her out she’d say no cos she has a type and he’s not it. Plus I swear she has a boyfriend. But u c now I’m doing it again. On the inside I know what’ll happen and I just feel so mad and idk what to do.




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