Slowly descending into madness
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2022-03-01 04:11:41 (UTC)

No one cares.

Here's the thing I need to understand, I need to digest, I need to remember the few days I'll stay alive- He never cared. He never loved me. He never wanted to be with me.

He only said he wanted to be with me to fuck with my head and my heart. He never meant it. He said he made fundamental changes and shit, all fucking lies. This one is probably to manipulate me. Because he knew I'd eat the lies and it would hurt me when he takes steps back. It’s fun for men to hurt people. They love destroying someone who is already living on the edge. He's one of them.

He never loved me. And that's fine. But pretending, so that he can destroy me once again wasn’t fine. I'll take revenge, on myself because I'm such a naive little piece of shit.

If he gave a fuck, he would meet me. He would spend time with me. He would make a fucking little effort. You can make a little effort for someone you say you give a fuck about. I should let him go, he can find his little square. But he cannot do this to me anymore.

I don’t want to meet him anymore. I want to forget everything for a little while. I never got high, I wanna get high tomorrow. So high, I wanna throw up everywhere. I never got drunk, I want to know how it feels like. I want to destroy myself before someone else does.

I've had enough. This is my turn to destroy myself. And I swear to myself, no one cares. No one gives a shit. I want to get high tomorrow. May the impulsiveness get the worst out of me.