Hot Doctors Doing Butt Stuff and Road Rage
I haven't written in a while because I fractured my wrist. it was fucking stupid. I tripped over the god-damned dishwasher door. like come on. anyways, I've had a cast for a while. got it off last week. can finally type again. but this is not about that. this is about my appointment at the proctologist for hemorrhoids. that's right you read that write. the guy who started this at the age of 19 back in 2001 is now 40. and I got haemorrhoids.
so there I am sitting on the doctor's table. pants removed, with a white medical blanket girding my loins. in the midst of me debating with myself as to whether or not a hotdog could be considered a sandwich (I conclude it cannot), in walked the doctor. let me clarify that. in walks a woman with long dirty blonde hair, with a hospital smock that stops just above her knees. behind her mask are two almond shaped eyes that could have belonged to a doe. of course I can't see her entire face but what I do see indicates that there are some ever so slight freckles around her nose.
she sits down and crosses her legs, revealing a very toned thigh.
"so tell me about your haemorrhoids, how long have they been bothering you?"
for a good 2 seconds I forgot what I was there for, when it dawned on me, I instinctively recoiled.
"your hemorrhoids? how long have they been bothering you"
"um, a bit, a while, yeah."
"well the first thing I'm going to do is..."
and she's going on about this and that all the while I'm nodding having a secret conversation with my dick that it needs to shut the fuck up and not move.
"well let's get you turned around?"
"turn on your side, I'm going to take a peek."
so here I am turning around spreading my ass for the most intimate moment I've had in about 3 years.
then she gets her finger up in the butthole. dear god christ almighty. you're talking about a guy who's um, not really had good loving in quite some time.
but that's enough about me and my butt and unfulfilled desires.
let's turn to road rage. we all get it, some a lot worse than others. shit, they even made a movie based on it (Unhinged with Russell Crowe, they actually just followed him around with a camera, he didn't know he was actually in a movie). I used to have it bad, now. I don't know. I get miffed, but I just don't get road rage anymore.
so there I am, pulling out of the grocery parking lot. this guy in a HUGE, modded Toyota Tundra pickup truck is taking a left into the parking lot. I was going to make a left to get out. he stops, so I think he's letting me out because he can't get his monstrosity of a truck around me. so I move forward, he fucking guns it, and swerves around me.
he then proceeds to stop (in the middle of the road at this point), rolls down his window and yells,
"what the fuck was that!!! you were wrong!!! you were wrong"
meanwhile his wife is sitting next to him holding her forehead in her hand like she has the biggest fucking headache.
I'm staring at him (I had rolled down my window thinking that he might be apologizing...haha, yeah right, I knew what was coming). and that seems to make him even more irate.
"YOU WERE WRONG, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, YOU WEREN'T THINKING!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE THINKING!!! NOTHING!!!"
this dude's face is bright purple. his eyes are bugging out like the villain in who framed Roger rabbit. he has this massive vein bulging out of his neck.
I'm still staring at him, by now horns were honking and he does this sound that sounds like what a bull must make before he charges.
"THINK NEXT TIME!!!" at this he jabs his finger against his head, "THINK!!"
it probably didn't help that I had Dragostea Din Tai blasting, but whatevs.