Slowly descending into madness
Ad 2:
2022-02-28 17:34:03 (UTC)


Here's the thing about me, I'm a hypocrite. I'm an a grade hypocrite, I'm everything I stand against. For example, for a woman who talks a lot about toxic masculinity, I'm afraid of showing my emotions. I can validate it by saying most of the time, people take advantage of my fragility. And oh my God, I am fragile, I am fragile like a humming bird who hasn’t grown its wings yet. Only think of it, as a mental metaphor.

How do you express to someone how you feel about them without getting embarrassed? Most of the times I feel numb, but him, he makes me feel all kinds of emotions like happiness, fear, anger, sadness, mostly loved all at the same time. And most of the times I feel like I'm struck by thunder, so much is going on inside me and I'm only expressing 1% of what I feel.

I'm embarrassed, I want to hide, I want to run. I'm writing this as I'm crying because I don’t think anyone will ever understand. He will never understand. It's hard presenting yourself stone cold to the one person you kind of give a fuck to. Having emotions is embarrassing. The little hummingbird is feeling a lot more than she can take. She wants to hold someone and cry to someone. She doesn’t have a safe place to do that.

I want to wail, I want to scream instead of letting tears flow in silence, and I don’t have a safe place.