Unhappywife

Surviving life with a narcissist
2022-02-26 13:41:42 (UTC)

A gift

Asshat has been in the hospital for a couple of days. Unfortunately because of covid rules, we can't see him. I am a terrible person for being so happy about him not being around. But I would never say that outloud. It's so calm here. I actually got to sleep for longer than 2 hours last night, had the bed to myself, watch what I want. Glorious.

That being said, when Asshat did call to complain, I kept wishing that I could have something good happen to me to make up for the misery he makes me feel. And I am happy to say that it did! While I was at hockey with my kids, I went to use the washroom and then sat on the bench to regroup before I went back in. I looked up and I saw Riley. My heart almost stopped. I wanted to run to him, I couldn't believe I was seeing him. I just kept staring. Unfortunately his wife was with him, so I couldn't go to him like I desperately wanted, but just seeing his face was enough for me. I must've sat there the whole time just watching him. I didn't even care who saw me - I needed that so much. It was like my own personal gift, just seeing his face, watching him walk, seeing how kind he is in his mannerisms and towards everyone who approached him. It was everything. That made my whole day, not even another scathing call from Asshat ruined it. I kept hoping he would come my way, but no. But that's okay, at least I got to see him, be at peace for a few moments. I wonder if I will ever fall out of lust for him. He will never know that there is someone out there who would give anything to be with him, thinks about him constantly, just his smile fixes everything. I still get shivers thinking about how close I was to him. If I was his wife, I would be holding his hand, standing close, standing proud to be seen with him. She doesn't know how lucky she is.

I put out a thank you to the universe for that. I needed it so much. I barely remember the drive home. Even when Asshat was dropped off from the hospital, I didn't even hear anything he said. All I could think about was Riley.

Saturdays are hockey days again, I am totally okay with that. I am looking forward to sitting in my corner and daydreaming haha. Everyone always comes to talk to me, so I have to hide when I go. Pretty sad that it's the only time I have to myself and it's not even for me, but it is what it is.

I think I will be on cloud 9 for days :)




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