Slowly descending into madness
High and dry
Today 2 people asked me if I was sad and 2 asked me if I was high. The answer is both. I mean I lost my keys twice.
This is a good confrontation time well cuz I know I can't do it in with a clear mind.
I've hurt him. The actions I made was supposed to hurt me but in the process I hurt him. It was never what I wanted. He's said that I was cheating on him, he has a different perspective from me about commitment and shit and from his point of view, he's not wrong. I didn’t realise I was hurting him. I never wanted to do that. I never felt so shitty before.
I'm emotionally unstable. I don’t feel emotion the way most people do. He has called me names, he has said the most degrading shit I've ever heard my entire life. Anger, hatred these actually don't touch me. Butwhat broke me is when he said he was vomiting. I made him cry to the point he was vomiting. I am not good for him or anyone. Not as a friend. Definitely not as a lover.
I honestly don't know how to recover from this. And I'm just so so sad. Imagine finally being able to be with someone You’ve wanted for so long and blundering that. And I'm so sad I prolly will stop contacting, parting ways. I do not like breaking bonds but you do what you have to do to save a person.
I wish I had someone to tell me what to do now because I don’t think I'm thinking clearly.
I need sleep. I want sleep. I wish this app had a system where I can upload my voice recordings, photos and videos.