Notes from my Black
I know my life and my head are a shit show, but at some point I kinda want to be desired. The problem is, I gave up even trying.
Living within my mental maze of thorns and thistles is so much easier than accepting anyone into my private circle of intimacy. Me, party of one. I have this projection of how intimacy with someone would play out. It ends with me feeling even more unwanted… and… well… rejection is more palatable when it comes from myself. I started only showering at night so I can do it in the dark.
I feel weakness in my everything.