Gentleman ♀

I Hate Middle School
2022-02-15 17:14:40 (UTC)

I Did Something Good

Hello again,

You know, when I said sometime this month I didn't mean the next day but whatever. Here I am, back at it again lol. Anyways ummmm yeah, before I tell you what I did I'd just like to inform ya'll that I got haircut. I know you don't really care but I think its cool so whatever. It looks like the picture I linked at the bottom but with a slightly taller back and bright pink bangs. Just imagine tht on a middle school girl with a round face and boom, me.

Alrighty now that we're done with that we can talk about what I did! For background informtion I'm on this discord server (which is like a group chat if you didn't know) that's for hanging out and specifically connecting with others emotionally by asking for advice, chatting, and complementing eachother. People go on there to do all sorts of things from sharing photos of themselves to getting dating advice to posting memes. What I'm mostly on there for though, is the vent channels (channels are like smaller group chats within the group chat made for specific porpouses). Every once in a while I go on there and see if anyone is in need of help. Usually its just an hour or two old message talking about how they've been depressed lately or something simmilar. When I see something like that I make sure to respond. I know how horrible it feels to be ignored so I try to make sure everyone possible feels heard. I let them know I'm not super good with emotions, just as a disclaimer, and then make sure they know that their insicurities are in their head, theres always someone they can talk to, and whatever else they need to hear. It's kinda nice talking to people like that. Of corse its always sad too but reading them thank me for just showing a little support feels amazing. Its almost funny how sometimes all people need to hear is that their voices are heard and their insicurities are imaginary. Of corse its not a fix-all but it helps a little.

That last paragraph was kinda a block of word vomit but now that that's out of the way, today was different. I went on there like usual and found an older message, six hours I think, by someone called yesyes and read it over. It was them saying how they were going to commit suicide the first chance they get by jumping off a building. They said every other method was too scary and no one could change their mind about offing themselves. I read it a few times and decided that either way I was going to try. I told yesyes that I knew they already said no one could convince them but that I couldnt forgive myself if I didn't try. I talked about what other people would think when they saw them jump. I reminded them that children could be watching and that someone will have to find their dead body on the ground. That their friends and family would be destroyed that theu didn't do anything to help before it was too late.

Yesyes responded imediately asking me why it only matters how it affects other people. They said they'd be dead so why should they care. I told them it didn't just matter how it affected other people. I said how horrible it would be if they failed and how it wouldn't solve any of their problems. I also told them that they should cre how it affected others because watching someone commit suicide was traumatizing and could potentially make someone feel like they do now.

They told me we should talk about it in DM's and so we talked more there. The first thing they did was thank me for caring and tell me it means alot to them. They also asked me to explain further what I meant by everything. To help them find a reason to not end it all. I told them that one good reason was that the world really isn't all that bad even if it seems like that alot. I told them to think about christmas and all the gifts and cookies, their favorite TV shows and the new seasons they'd miss, all their favorite foods theyd never eat, and every dream vacation they'd miss out on. I reminded them that if they were dead, they'd never get to experience any of those ever again. Yesyes just said it wouldnt matter because after they died there would just be nothingness. They added that all the good moments turn to sad memories and that getting better takes more will power and patience then they have.

I countered that saying that they can make new good memories and that we don't know for sure what death really feels like so they can't be sure. I told them that they didn't need enough will power to make it by themselves because they didn't have to do it all alone, someone else can be patient for them. I said that all it takes is one moment of "I dont want to die" and someone will be willing to help. Family and frienda will be more than happy to keep them away from sharp objects and tall buildings till they're okay. Yesyes told me that even their therapist said they were hopeless and that they had no friends and their mom didn't "give a fuck". I said that their therapist was horrible at their job and that they need a new one. I also told them that there has to be someone. It can be an old friend they havent talked to in a while or aquaintence, a family member they havent seen in a while or even a teacher or co-worker. I said if there was really absalutely no one they could talk to that they knew of that theres also helplines that they can call or their local police or ER. I said that at least one of those options will be more than willing to help and that they should try reaching out to one.

Then, I swear to god it was as of god himself was patting me on the back, they thanked me and said they'd try reaching out. I was soooo happy and told them exactly that. I said I was so glad that they reconsidered and wished them luck as well as let them know that no matter what I'm always here to talk if they ever need me again. They said I was nice and thanked me one more time. I said they were always welcome and that was that.

I know that maybe it wasn't much and I don't even know for sure if they'll follow my advice but I feel amazing right now! I really hope I made at least a small impact on their life. I'm thinking that maybe I'll message them in a week or so to see how they're doing but maybe not, it depends. I'll figure it out though. I've pretty much given up on god but I swear, I'm praying for them tonight. I hope everything goes well for them. Same with whoevers reading this. If you ever need anything theres alwasy people who can help just a call away. Stay safe and goodnight!


Kinda what my hair looks like: