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2022-02-11 18:29:59 (UTC)

Hey you


WHAT. No seriously what am I doing right now? Why? The disappointment is settling in when it shouldn’t be. You shouldn’t be disappointed in me, you had no plans for the day. You were going to go off on one of your unmotivated absences while I sat back and stopped existing. Don’t you dare blame me.

Yes you wanted to do all those things but then you let that happen. How irresponsible. Makes me want to not get out of bed. I can’t do this. They’re going to force me to go back so I have to do this? There’s no way to be comfortable. Why even try to adjust? School hurts my stomach. I don’t have friends there. There’s no point when I could just die. I mean sleep. I mean stay home and work. This isn’t right and my foresight is lacking.

Nobody is going to do this for me. Do I even want to live? Can I even make it? Do I want to make it? In this body, I don’t think so. He said give it chance because it’s only been a few years give your body a chance but I don’t feel like it. Why should suffer because of what I cannot control when I could just end it instead? Gradual deaths are uninteresting. I don’t want to starve myself to death or exercise during it. I want a painless death, but that’s kind of weak.

Yeah the more I think about it the more im convinced I don’t need anybody to befriend me and get infected with my cringe level low self esteem.

But I still need—I need to stop eating more than a single plate of food during times I eat. Goosebumps.

Am I just bored? Yes im so bored that I cannot get out of bed 😍 so bored that i think I’ll just give up all that reading and games. Maybe my legs will corrupt and I won’t have to get back up for school. So bored I think I might just starve myself to death.

They say not to tell anyone your plans before you do anything but honestly I hope someone reads this and is like “oh that person said they’re gonna starve themself” because I Consider that a Total Win