Gone mental

Notes from my Black
2022-02-09 18:22:12 (UTC)

The need for perfection

I grew up with the knowledge that if I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t worthy. I wasn’t worthy of someone’s affection, kindness, love, help, support, friendship… and the list just goes on.

As an adult, I am still trying to unlearn these things. It is not at all helpful when I am confronted with situations where I am expected to craft perfect responses in order to present myself as perfect.

The thing is, I will continue to beat myself up for my flaws long after the conversation. Long after the other person forgets, I will be kicking myself, questioning my own self worth.

On the bright side, the irs thinks I owe them a shit ton of money… so yeah, feeling kinda crappy lately. I thought this year was going to be better. I thought I fixed things from my past.