I was really onto something with the not actually wanting to do anything.
In my mind there’s three parts that make up my behaviors and attitudes.
The emotions and feelings im experiencing.
How I describe/narrate the current situation, exaggerated or frankly.
And whether or not -
I take all of that back, everything I’ve ever said literally means nothing and has no value or weight to it. Not even truth most likely.
Im just lazy and bad spirited. There’s nothing else to really say. I have stuff I need to do but im not going to do it. I have stuff I want to do but im not going to do it bc it requires more effort.
Lazy—plain and simple.
Too lazy to care. Too lazy to love. Too lazy to talk. Too lazy to get out of bed. Too lazy to change.
Im tired. But I don’t want to be like this. But im so tired. And nothing even seems worth it anyway. I want to go to sleep so I don’t have to think about it but that’s just another way I try to escape the reality of these kinds of situations I put myself in. Um
A pointlessness. To it all. With that being the case, why do I even attempt escape?