Gentleman ♀

What The Hell?! Both Of You!

Hey,

It's been a while, happy New Year! I'd say a bit more about the new year and stuff like that but I'm not really in the mood right now. You are NEVER going to fucking believe what has been happening with my parents. I want to kill someone right now, I'm so pissed!

So it all started a few months ago. Remember that kid, Zeke, from a few entries ago? No? I didn't think so. Zeke is a friend I made a few months ago. At first, I saw him in a few of my classes and thought he was cool but I was too afraid to say anything to him. Then we got put in a group project together... then another, and another, and we became pretty good friends. We're not like besties or anything but I hang out with him every day he's at school (since he's only there like half the days. I don't know why though, I figured it was personal) so that's gotta count for something. If you want to know more about him go look at my entries "AAAAAAAAA" and the bottom two paragraphs of "practice girl". Both parts are short so it shouldn't take you super long.

Anyways, Zeke. One day my mom was complaining about how I had no friends and didn't talk to any of the ones I did have. Well, I got all angry and defended myself saying I had new friends including Zeke. She was all like "oooo who's Zeke" but in general she didn't really care. Then later on she was trying to stalk my friends' families on Facebook or something (that's a joke obviously) because she asked me for Zeke's last name. I told her his last name and she then asked me if that was his real first name. I said his name is legally Kendall and informed her that he's trans. Then she got all pissy and annoyed and we got into an argument about it all. For background information, we've had arguments about this before with my other friend Victor whos also a trans dude. She ended up telling me she didn't approve of what he did, yadda yadda, God made him the way he did, blah blah blah, transphobic shit, and informed me that she wouldn't be mean to him if we were to hang out in person ever but I would never be allowed to be trans myself. She said she'd never call me him or let me get surgery or change my name. I never even hinted at being trans let alone actually being trans so that's okay with me, bitch. I said something about god making him be trans and/or god being stupid and she told me she was gunna make me read the bible and she was gunna send me to bible school.

Like a month later we were having the same argument over friends when she suggested I get Zeke's number. I said sure and left it at that but she decided to question me about him further. She asked if he got bullied in school, has any friends, she asked how he knew he was trans. I told her he had plenty of friends, wasn't getting bullied as far as I knew, and that I never asked him how he knew cause it seemed personal. Then she told me out of nowhere that I was allowed to be friends with him but I could never date him. Like what the fuck?! I've never shown interest in dating anyone let alone him! In fact I openly talk to her about how I feel I'm too young for dating and all that stuff so why she said that, I have no clue. I told her I wasn't planning on it and asked her why I wouldn't be allowed to date a trans person. She got angry and told me I know why and not to start an argument. I said I didn't know what but whatever and went back to whatever I was doing. A few minutes later she came up to me and told me to listen and she didn't want to get into an argument. I know how this goes, she does it every time we're mad at each other and I wasn't having it. I told her that's good because I didn't want to either and that we hadn't been talking about it for a while so why was she even bringing it up. She was going to try again but I cut her off before she could start repeating I was glad she didn't want to argue then put my earbuds in.

Now I thought that was bad with my mom but goddamn that was nothing compared to what happens next. I was in the car with my dad today and somehow we got on the topic of my moms strong beliefs. It was something about her blaming my anxiety on social media even though I'm not on any social media other than youtube where I watch hour-long Cats music reviews and controversies about people I've never heard of. Anyways, I brought up her strong beliefs about Zeke and started telling him the 'no dating' story from before. I said Zeke was trans and I could see on my dads face I had made a mistake. Apparently, I'd never mentioned it about him before because my dad asked me to clarify. I told him Zeke used to be a girl and he was... I don't know how to describe it, some mix of confused, angry, and surprised. I don't remember exactly how it went but I do remember him telling me that I SHOULDNT be close friends with Zeke or even friends at all. He said I shouldn't even associate with him! I told him no and that Zeke was my friend but he went on. He said that "she" must have horrible, unstable parents for letting him do that and that he must be unstable too. He told me the suicide rate in trans people was high because they were mentally ill and I told him they were committing suicide because of people like him who hate them for no reason.

Just to put this into perspective, he told me, his 13-year-old daughter, that my trans friend was mentally ill and had a high chance of committing suicide because they're mentally unstable. THEN he told me not to be friends with said possibly suicidal friend because they're trans. What an actual ASSHOLE!!! He's not just an asshole he's an asswhole. WHO SAYS THAT TO THEIR CHILD?!?! And the worst part is, Zeke hasn't been at school for the past week and I know he's been in a mental hospital before for some reason or another and just- goddamn I hate this! And last week the teacher said she didn't think he was coming back to school so I emailed him asking if he changed schools and he hasn't answered. I know I'm overreacting but goddamn I just keep imagining going back to school tomorrow and hearing on the announcements that he died or some shit and it's really fucking with me. All of this cause my dad couldn't keep his mouth shut! I hate this...

Even if he didn't die, which is the most likely case, chances are he switched schools as the teacher said. He told me before that eventually he was switching schools but I didn't think he would this soon. That'd mean he became friends with me, joked around with me, and worked together in all classes possible with me just to switch schools without exchanging numbers or even saying goodbye. I was even planning on giving him my number the day he left. I just can't accept that he didn't care enough to even say goodbye but I know the chances of him being there on Monday -- or ever for that matter -- are close to none so I don't know what to do. I was crying in the shower about it all earlier and I don't normally cry so this surprised even me. Whatever happens, you can be sure of two things. One, I'm not openly being not angry at my dad till I stop thinking about it, and two, I'm never going to stop thinking about it. The most probable outcome of him leaving without saying goodbye is going to leave a mark, that's for sure. Goodnight.

~Gentleman