Tati

hurt easy

Why are my feelings hurt so easily? A question I ask myself as well as reddit as though I'm going to magically get another answer although I know it already.
I'm weak. Sensitive I guess. I feel gross and dumb so if someone calls me something even slightly negative, I'm gonna.

this is sick, i dont even want to finish this entry. gross. disgusting. i dont care anymore. im so done.
im so tired of this thing im stuck in. i feel enough hate for myself that at this point, i dont want to be me anymore. i hurt myself so i cant complain that im in any pain. i wanna just sleep. i should have just gone to sleep. shouldve known, no i do know, even if i do go back to a certain time, to a certain position, to a certain activity and moment, i still wont feel good.

why is it like this now? what did i do wrong. im such a whiny bit. what a waste of time, my whole life at this point. im done wasting people's time, money, love, and effort. ultimately, the small amount of hurt they may feel from separating from me (because they did all the loving which i cannot even feel) is nothing compared to the benefits they'll get from being away from me.

im quite toxic. and i look worse with my lips pursed- does it even matter? im gonna look ugly to myself or really in general no matter how i try to change myself. im so funny, so fudging silly acting as though there really is any way to improve when i am like this. i feel quite monstrous. i shouldve never learned about what a homunculus is bro. theres no point. :) doesnt quite matter if im dirty or clean. bright or dark. happy or sad. mad or emotionless. so why? why try. why worry. why pretend when pretending is just as bad, all my efforts that really cant even be called that.
someone like me. cant say that, it implies that there are other people similar to me and that they deserve the things i believe i deserve and thats disgusting of me to even indicate. sometimes i really hate myself. well thats all the time.

In conclusion, I hate myself, how I look, and I think I am a good for nothing (barely) human being that should not have been born. That whole sentence is cringe. I am cringe.

someone please kill me because im too scared to do it myself. if i sleep for three days straight...maybe 7..