Tati

Feel heard

I am not being heard, despite the title.

The only thing I wanted to say was,,, a repetition of my earlier thoughts. So maybe I’d remember them and not make the same mistakes.

The fact that I came outside thinking I looked even somewhat decent enough with my hair. I was chewing too loudly, and that should’ve been another incentive to stop eating all that for no reason. It’s honestly enough for an entire day. Might even go without, tomorrow, because of it. I shouldn’t even be wasting their money. They already have one successful daughter that has met and exceeded expectations, there’s no reason for me to take up their things when I’m going nowhere. I could physically feel the fat building on me as I ate. I hate that I came outside like this, like that. That I came in this body. In this family, they don’t deserve someone as bad as me.
I’m disgusting.
Didn’t need to tell him that this morning, it was a slip of the tongue. It’s his job to be the too honest one, not me. How immature must I be to let my mouth go faster than my mind? I’m so done with myself.

Things would go smoother if I just put on a pleasant attitude (face or expression, Not that it matters since my face looks like this anyway) and stopped talking for everyone’s sake. Stopped eating and buying random things on impulse. Gosh I’m so impulsive. If I’d just stop doing things and think for a second, life would be so much better for me and the people around me.