Jake 🇺🇸

Killing Lions
2021-12-22 09:41:43 (UTC)

I think if you're wise, ..

I think if you're wise, you learn from your mistakes. It's easy to live life in the moment, to live what you feel is right at that moment. But when you do that, when you make your decisions based purely on feelings, you always end up getting screwed over in the long term.

An ideal life is out there, I think I can see it: Money, love, the ability to help a large amount of people with my resources, that stuff. But, getting there is a path that is hard. It's easy to want to do something but hard to actually do it.

Anyway, I was thinking about that today, I can see two areas in my life that are struggling:

My work and graduation. I am still a PhD student and I'm just reaching the tail end of my degree. I have a big oral exam in about 2 weeks, I'm really nervous actually. That's coming so fast. Yet, I find it hard to concentrate.

The second area is my relationships and friends. That has really, really suffered recently since I'm full on tunnel vision: The only thing I see right now is the impending oral exam and I must spend as much time as possible working on that. This kills my mental health since I'm not a robot, I can't just do that 24/7 and expect great productivity. I guess going back to the first sentence of this entry, I want to learn from my mistakes and thi nk about particular things and habits that I fall into and how to escape depression.

I made the decision to stay home for Christmas, idk if I'm even going to be able to celebrate. What am I going to tell my girlfriend? How am I going to celebrate?? It's shameful to not celebrate or not do anything on Christmas. I guess, having a girlfriend makes me feel more pressure to have a good life lol, it's a good thing :). I like to have stress in my life, but right now it feels a bit overwhelming. Though, I feel like this is just a fact of life and I need to learn to deal with it lol. I need to be more efficient. I'm acutely aware of how inefficient I am. So yeah. I guess I just need to keep grinding and keep working, and, be HAPPY about it!!!!

How can I fix myself mentally? Here's some things I'm thankful of:

1. My faith and the pure joy of knowing that I am loved and that I have something to pursue and follow :).
2. My work. How honorable it is to be able to be working on stuff that could change the world!! How amazing is it to learn so much, to be at the edge of innovation in nano-biotech. I'm so thankful for the fascinating work I am able to do.
3. I'm thankful for my roommates. Guys I can just wake up to and hear them in the living room watching TV, coming downstairs for breakfast and just talking, talking about things that both of us care about: Tesla, the stock market, politics *sigh*. I love my roommate Alex.
4. My girlfriend. She does such a great job planning activities, even when I'm stressed and don't want to text her, she still reaches out. I like that she is such a nerd just like me and loves her work and loves to talk about deep things. I like that I can be comfortable with her. I like that she is so much into fitness.
5. I like that I love running and working out. I'm happy about how I look, how my body is, and that I'm making progress!
6. I'm thankful for my family. Even though they're 1000s of miles away, I just like that I can always go back to them, no matter what. I'm sure if I decided to just drive all the way out there they'd welcome me with open arms. It's great to have that :).
7. I'm thankful for my travel friends. Who support me, who always push me and want the best for me. I'm thankful for all the adventures we had this year and the adventures I know I'm going to have next year, already have one planned!!!
8. I'm thankful for the resources and hardware and funding I get from my school that can support my dreams and let me discover.


Now I feel better :). Alright, back to work!!!!!!




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