I don't want to be awake but when I decide to go to sleep and all I hear is the tv blaring in the background and him occasionally talking loudly to himself, it just doesn't seem worth it to try and sleep in my room like a normal person. I could literally see the light of the room through my eyelids.
But when I'm out here, I usually end up eating something, but I can't hide in *my* room since it isn't truly my room. Not a comfortable space. I'm sure it's a matter of preference but I'm aware of how I lack self control and a lot of my actions are made on impulse and regretted immediately after. Do I want to eat? No. Am I hungry? No. Will my body suffer the repercussions of my actions? Yes. Will I get bigger? Yes. Thus, I should not eat. At this point it's just habit to eat. I don't experience hunger as often as I used to eat. There's no point in wasting food, no point in adding on fat for no reason. I only have about a month before they make me go to school in person. I'm not sure if these choices will help me when it comes time to go, but regardless, I'm gonna starve myself as best as I can. Maybe I will finally learn of patience, endurance, and self control.
It wouldn't be like me to sporadically do things like..
anyway, I'll do whatever, watch that show, write some stuff, watch some more stuff, then work since I'm already over here and I'd feel annoyed with myself for wasting time if I'm gonna go ahead and pull an unintentional all-nighter.