My pursuit of happiness
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2021-11-26 06:16:44 (UTC)

The Starling

I’ve just started this movie, The Starling. I’ve literally only seen the opening sequence. I’m told it’s my kind of movie, we’ll see. I stopped the movie because the starling is a bird that intrigues me. I’ve seen the migration of what must be millions of them. Literally horizon to horizon ebbing and flowing and morphing I their endless unpredictable patterns. They move so gracefully and are so beautiful in their presentation. Yet singly they are not spectacular to look at. They look similar to a cow bird… which is also not considered a spectacular looking bird.

Anyway, I love birds. I should make a Children’s story focused on them.

Update: No response from Rebecca. I’m sad about it for sure… given an our history, that friendship only had two directions it could go… poof and ablaze. Considering my life, it’s best it went poof I guess. It does just feed that self loathing beast that tells me I’m not worthy of even a basic friendship with her.

I’m aware that my evaporation of all other possibilities with that friendship is a defense mechanism. I think I can’t help but to think in those terms right now.

I have a few people I consider friends now. My life is quite different from a year ago.

I signed up for the writing workshop. It starts in a few hours. My first book is fully illustrated- working on th cover now. My second book is fully written and the final edit that looks for spelling and punctuation, break overs etc is due tomorrow.

I’m going to start working out again. I’m also going to track my food this time. My diet isn’t bad typically. Yesterday was a blip in the norm. I’m just not feeling confident in my skin and I’m not getting the exercise I was just a few months ago. I need that for my own mental health. Why I attribute so much of my value on my presentation is completely known to me. I just can’t change it. Maybe I’ll write about that someday. Maybe I’ve already written about it some.

Is it a surprise I don’t really pay attention to what I write? I jus let my mind go where it needs to go.

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