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8 expectations for my girlfriend
If she breaks any of these, I will seriously consider breaking up with her. These are obviously one sided since these are things that I will ask of her. I plan on having this discussion at some point in the next couple weeks. I told her to also come up with a list of expectations.
1. Lying is unacceptable. It doesn't matter what the context is. It breaks trust. Also, she can't actively hide something from me that will affect the relationship. Secrets are fine, I just don't want her hiding something which will affect the relationship and she feels bad about because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. That's being untruthful and essentially a lie in my books.
2. No dating other guys. This should be obvious....
3. She must read the bible every day and actively encourage me to be a better Christian. The point of my relationship isn't for us to get directly closer to one another, the point is for both of us to get closer to "truth" ie, GOD and through that relationship with God we will inadvertently get closer to each other.
4. Make an effort to date at least once a week. This can be reduced later in the relationship, but right now and for the next couple months it has to be once a week. Time together is important. Enough said.
5. Attend a social event with my friends at least once a month. My friends need to know who she is. I made a mistake with Bel getting far too isolated from my friends and spending all my time with her, I don't want that again. I'll occasionally bring her to events -- even if she might not enjoy it.
6. She needs to challenge me. We have to disagree on things. I crave growth/development and I cannot grow as a person without some healthy argument. Otherwise, I'll end up waking up in 3 months and realize that I'm not happy and most likely there will be a break up. (this is what led to my breakup with Bel).
7. She must make a bi-daily effort to be healthy physically. This means working out or exercise 2-3 times a week.
8. Mental health. I want her to see a therapist monthly. Even if she doesn't need one. Every single girl I've dated has had some sorts of anxiety issues and I think it's just best for her to see a therapist and be able to talk through things and work stuff out with a professional. It's free at the university anyway so I'm not asking much.
There's other things like "love me" or whatever, but those are very hard to define and honestly will constantly evolve. These are sort of concrete and easy to gauge. The hardest one would be how often she challenges me. But I feel like these are reasonable. If someone happens to read this, I'm curious, am I crazy for doing this? I haven't officially defined the relationship, I haven't called her my girlfriend, right now we're "just dating". So I figured at some point in a few weeks when I feel things are still going good (and they are right now) then I'll sit down and discuss what I expect and what the boundaries are. Anyway... yeah... I'll have to save this entry and copy it for my "notes" :). Luckily, she's a huge nerd, very organized and loves lists. I'm pretty sure she's going to appreciate the work I put into this!!
Last night I ended up video calling her for 3 hours (since I'm at my hometown visiting family for thanksgiving). Kind of insane and probably too long lol. But it was actually worth the 3 hours. I think I found something she struggles with and I felt like I was able to crack her open a bit and actually talk about her heart. I just made the comment that I felt like there was a slight disconnect between her thinking/logical side and her emotional side. Throughout the relationship she'd say things like "I really like you" and it was very easy to tell with how she'd act. But, when it came to actually connecting I felt a disconnect. She didn't seem 100% "there" at times. It's hard to describe.
It's more of a deep understanding and her doing some very vulnerable things. I think she's self conscious of certain things and she doesn't like to show or talk about feelings, even though, her feelings are pretty obvious to me. So, it's more of a challenge of trying to get her to open up to me about those feelings and emotions. Her friends say she's kind of a bossy person (which logically I can see in her), but she hasn't shared that side with me at all. So, I think I may just not be at her level. I don't really know... anyway... it's late... I'm going to head to bed