Christopher Mel

The Mirror
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2021-11-25 13:18:09 (UTC)

Day 2 Isolation

Day 1 was a blur. Despite being a germophobe and always sanitizing and wearing and changing gloves and avoiding contact points SOMEHOW I tested positive for covid, much to everyone's surprise, including myself. I was instantly enraged. Thanks China, here's another fine mess you've gotten me into. I guess that goes to show that anybody can get it, no matter how friggen careful you are so I've hit 'fuck it' mentality. I still think the tests are wrong, but I gotta stay in my room for 2 weeks. It started a few days ago when I got a headache that never went away. Btw, I never get sick or get headaches or anything. I never feel shit. Woke up next morning, couldn't talk, head POUNDING nonstop, nasal area hot as fuck, but the nose thing I feel from working in the cold so it was hard to tell. I said meh, prolly just a head cold, everyone was getting a little something around holiday season what with our corporate overlords overworking everyone to meet up with impossible demands at the same time when weather turns to shit. "Someone called out sick." Welp, your 2x amount of work just became 3x, back to work. That's the american way! Then when people get sick one by one they get pissed or are surprised. I decided to get tested just because I work with others and didn't want to take any chances. Got my results back yesterday saying I'm positive. Bullshit. I got mad, thought the guy was wrong, then I felt worse having to tell everyone. Then I felt guilty because everyone was busting their ass at work and I'm sitting at home for 2 days with thanksgiving coming up. And why was I the ONLY one who got it? Who the FUCK did I come in contact with? I literally didn't go anywhere. Was off Monday, when I felt sick, called out Tuesday. I wanted to come into work Wednesday, even though I still had headaches and was lightheaded when I moved around too quickly, I wasn't coughing or sneezing and mucus was clear confusingly, so that's why I assumed it was just a head cold. My breathing was fine. All I had was constant headache and hot ass nose. I was going to wear a mask and wrap myself up like a mummy and gloves and continue working if the job allowed it, obviously keeping my distance from everyone. I was waiting for my results to come back negative so I could be like: "See, not covid. Just a head cold. Can I still work?" But results were positive and my shit was ruined. "You're not going anywhere." In hindsight, perhaps I should have listened to my body when the headaches wouldn't go away and I couldn't taste pepper no matter how spicy the snacks were. Thing is, I'm always in pain and always angry, so it's hard to tell if and when I have anything. Last year, I got some 'alien bacteria' in my lungs that caused a mass that was literally drowning me from the inside. I thought it was back pain. I'm stretching and shit at work, lifting heavy shit, until I literally couldn't breathe when I moved my ribs in any way. Someone said to go to the hospital and I was like NO! Fuck hospitals. I'm fine, I said. I can still work. (Between shoulder and back and sciatica pain I had gotten used to working in pain, which is why I was clueless to what was really going on in my body )Just give me a minute to catch my breath. Job forced me to go to the damn hospital. Receptionist was PISSED when she took my temperature. You have a 103.F temperature. **backs away** Me: "What? I don't feel shit!" They thought it was covid, I was rushed into emergency. They did several covid tests, body scans, tuberculosis tests, all negative. Back to the 'alien bacteria', because the hospital sucked and had bad reviews the doctors couldn't figure out what type of bacterial infection I had, but they knew enough it wasn't anything viral. Literally next day I was coughing up blood and choking. Sweating profusely. I was pissed. IV's in my body. Restricted movement. They took sooo much blood. But the target bacteria in general was 'inconclusive' '"We need you to save a cup of your blood cough up sample" Welp! There's plenty of that!! Still inconclusive! The fuck ya'll doin' on your end? And the blood was red, purple black and 'gunky'. All the shit that was growing in my lungs, wtf! Once I stopped coughing up nastiness I felt better. I wanted to leave. I plotted my escape. The whole time I was thinking 'this is gonna cost me so much money!" I had medical insurance but still. Me and my dad are natural hospital escapists. We're both stubborn. Once we feel fine let us go home. Get the fuck outta the way. They had security guarding my door. I plotted leaving thru window because there was a tree I could shimmy down. I need constant mental stimulus. Sitting there, doing NOTHING for weeks. I would have rather been DEAD. FUCKING HATE IT. I learned I suck at gauging fevers because of my constant rage(plus it was really cold outside and the fact that I'm ALWAYS feeling hot).

Fast-forward to present time, Day 1 Isolation, received a lot of support from friends family and coworkers. I was actually surprised. I felt like shit, like I let everyone down, but they weren't mad, everyone just wanted me to get better, which made me feel much better and I swear actually sped up healing process. Yeah, yeah, I know, at this point, even I can take a hint. Life wants me to RELAX and take it easy, and take care of my body and health, so I will. I was conditioned by society to believe that a man only has value when he's working. We don't have shoulders to cry on. We ARE the shoulders YOU cry on. We always have to bear the burden, so I couldn't afford to call out. My mentality was that the moment you stopped working was the moment you became useless. It's why I would secretly scoff at people who would take 'mental health day' off, or call out because "I had a headache'. I'm in pain constantly, don't see me bitchin'. "Get your ass back to work!" But I realize now that obviously this ain't how life is nor how it SHOULD be. Also, this experience has showed me that there may be underlying issues when a particular pain is involved and you should always get it checked out. Plus, I'll never forget what a coworker told me, something I knew deep inside but forgot: "If you drop dead at work today, they would just replace you tomorrow" And you know what? Fuck that. I had to recondition myself to not be so hard on myself and not work as hard, take care of my shit, because no one else will. Also, fuck work. There are other jobs paying more anyway. Always better options. Just thinking about those who make a year's salary in a month by doing literally nothing but posing for pictures on social media or playing videogames, while you're busting your ass? Fuck that. Day 1 Complete, renewed vigor!

Day 2: Thanksgiving Day: Gonna skype/Duo/Whatsapp thanksgiving with the family. My sis and coworkers brought me some food and supplies since I can't leave the house. Got a makeshift table in my room that I'm going to fix all nice and enjoy this huge meal I've been blessed with along with the fam remotely. I definitely have enough food to last me nearly 2 weeks now. I feel like that guy from that Netflix korean drama 'Alive', where the main prot. is hidden away in his room while trying to survive zombies lurking everywhere around him. Just one thing.....that HUM....what IS that? It's like a construction truck being idle or something in the distance...a low pitch rumbling....but I feel like Daredevil with heightened senses I can hear every second if it. It's a non-stop HUMMING sound that's slowly driving me crazy. As I type this I have earplugs in to mitigate the soundwaves but I can still FEEL them and it's pounding my brain. I looked online...apparently I'm not the only one. This is a global phenomenon?? Some suspect it's low frequency radio waves? Also, a small percentage of the population can hear it?? Because no one else seems to hear this noise, only me. It's almost DEAFENING even with earplugs, WHAT IS THAT?! No one else can hear this shit?! Anyway, on with the day. Got some cleaning up to do. Keep myself busy during Day 2 of isolation. Actually this is kinda fun, especially when you have internet :) Maybe I'll try one of those 'livestream' things, I got a ton of games no one will care to see me play, but it looks kinda fun. I can talk for short periods of time, and headaches have finally stopped, so maybe I can work on my videos later as well. Gotta get my exercises in as well, if I can make space for it. I'll make it happen.

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