I Hate Middle School
I... am hopeless. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm ready for love, I say that a lot throughout these entries, but at the same time I really can't wait till I am ready. I can't wait till I'm older, old enough to kiss a girl and not feel stupid. Of course, I cant confirm I'd feel stupid doing it now since I've never kissed one but still, I have a feeling I wouldn't be too happy with myself afterwards. But at the same time just really flirting with a girl, anyone, and having them reciprocate would make me feel so much better about myself. Even if it's just for a minute...
Whatever! One thing I've noticed about myself is... I think I'm the practice girl for other girls. Not someone they'd ever kiss or even flirt with seriously, just practice for when they get a real... better girlfriend, you know? Like I think three times now I've had girls lay their heads on my shoulder or knee or something. Once in the car with Olivia (big mistake, I leaned my head on top of hers for some reason and ruined it), once watching a school with Avery, and once watching a school movie with Jayliah. And let me tell you, maybe I'm reading it wrong, but it feels so nice to just feel someone laying their heads on your shoulder. Even when you need to cough and your legs asleep and your whole body aches from the uncomfortable position you feel like you're on top of the world and in that moment you can practically see the halo framing the scene. Or whatever's going on with Avery is a pretty good example of me being the practice girl too! Like last labor day when we were in the pool having a heart to heart with me holding her in that cute couple position with her head on my shoulder and AAAAAAAAAAA! (I describe that in more detail in my entry "I Want A Girlfriendddddddd" in the second paragraph) Or like a said before with her head on my shoulder during the movie... Oh! And not to mention she says I love you after every goodbye!!! I don't think it's in a friend way but I also don't think it's in a lover way wither so I don't know what to think about it other than I'm a practice girl.
(edit from about a week or two later idrk) Another quick example of practice girl might be Zeke. Don't get me wrong I don't even WANT to be his girlfriend and he 100% doesn't want to be my boyfriend but people have said we look like a couple and as much as I hate to admit it, I can see where they're coming from. We always tease each other whether its name-calling or stealing each other things (like a book or water bottle) and I guess that might be considered flirting but I really, really, don't think it would ever go somewhere. I always try to walk with him from our science class to health and talk to him but I don't think he really cares to walk with me since he'll always go ahead or behind and half of the time I'll be the only one talking.
I guess being the practice girl isn't really that bad though. Yeah, I'll probably never get a girlfriend or anyone but at least I get romantic moments with people. That's more than a lot of people can say. And hey, I'm only 13 so maybe It'll turn out with me being wrong, who knows? Jkjk I'm not even gunna get my hopes up TUT I'll write again soon! Buh bye!