I like to call if severe avoidance.
Even if I have vaguely acknowledged the feminine aspects of that kind of taste/preference, I never elaborated, even with myself. It never concerned color, or ethnicity. It was just the preference for that kind of thing. And I can’t help strongly resisting that kind of preference because that means I actually have a weakness, and it would be a pathetic sight—me actually feeling attraction to people. 😞 But they’re hot. But they’re not. But they are. But I can’t do that. I can’t. It just isn’t justified from me. On second thought, this is the age of experimentation, I can do whatever I want without affecting others. I’m discovering things, shame is for adults who don’t know better.
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