Ad 2:
2021-11-14 19:45:50 (UTC)

Winter thoughts

This weekend has been full of ups and downs. While I’ve been crushing on a guy, I don’t think he’s that into me. That’s okay though. I can live with that. I went somewhere that I wasn’t planning to this weekend. I spent the night and realized that I was finally done seeing what I was hoping for. Instead, I saw things for what they really were. I guess that gave me the strength to finally just walk away. I left without too much fuss or muss because it was the right of thing to do. Especially getting the GTFO vibe. It probably wasn’t, but the truth is that I was there being quiet and sneaking around like a dirty secret. It was better to just come home because let’s be honest I would be doing the same thing but at least I could do what I wanted. I didn’t honestly want to drive but what option did I have?

It was quiet on the drive and allowed me to think. I’ll keep my word because I’m nothing like you. I stand by what I say. No matter how much I don’t honestly want to. That’s the part of being me. I don’t expect it from anyone but that doesn't change me. As I was driving, I realized that you know I don’t have it too bad off. Yeah, sure I could really use someone in my life because honestly, I have my lonely moments. I also have boundaries and what I will and won’t put up with. It does get to me from time to time. That aside, I really don’t have it too bad off. I have a good job. One that I can be proud of. I have my daughters and grandchildren. I have a granddog. I have school and direction in my life even if it’s hard at times. I have a roof over my head. I have a nice car. I don’t have it too bad off really. I can say that while I’m comfortable I would even dare to say that I’m happy. I realized it on the way home from the zoo tonight. Listening to the kids after having a really great day, I found myself smiling. I do have the empire I wanted to build for myself. It’s been hell getting here but here I am.

I don’t have much drama in my life. I have awesome friends. I have so much that I’ve been building over time. I was so busy building it that I didn’t get to see it until I was standing at the top and looking it over. I’m not done building though. I still have a long way to go. Perhaps one day I’ll find the one that will rule with me, but for now I’m still fine with doing it all on my own. I don’t owe anyone anything. Instead, it’s they owe me, but for some I’m not worried about it. Some really have a lot to show me if they still want to be in my world. It’s coming time to cut more away. I know what I’ve done and I’m not responsible for anyone outside of myself. I’m done finally with all the things that have brought me sadness and brought me down. It’s finally time for the new chapter. I’ll get there, it’s only a matter of time.

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