Ghanta-farak-nhi

A thing to talk to
2021-11-14 18:29:13 (UTC)

Rain and plans.

When it's raining and from a distance you look at the roadside lamp, it appears like a shower head. Just a thought.

It's been raining continuously for about a week now. Flood alerts and overflowing rivers everywhere.

Floods are so common in my state that I wouldn't be surprised if I was told to swim my way to school or workplace.
Rain pours, Water rises, landslides happen, Dam shutters are opened, houses are vacated (some houses just 'go with the flow'), and life goes on.
Nothing new.

The cement in the front and back of our house has a cover of green slippery mold growing over it. So I brought some bleach and scrubbed it away.
I have a bunch of bedsheet and clothes to wash. But clothes don't dry fast during rainy days so guess I'll have to wait till sun decides to show up.

I got a call from my friend Ani this evening. She was my roommate when I used to stay at hostel. We became good friends during that time. She's like a sister to me.

Personality wise, Ani is like a happy, cheerful, loud girl. Very loud. It becomes more apparent when someone quiet like me is by her side.
She's talented(she can sing very well), artistic, and happy type.
But she also has this inferiority complex about her skin colour. She's dark skinned. And since Indians have this obsession with fair skin, she's been shunned a lot by her relatives and friends for it.
It's worse when her parents are fair skinned. Actually, Ani looks like her grandmother. Short, chubby, dark and curly haired.
She thinks she's not good looking.

Tbh, I think she's beautiful. She has beautiful big eyes with naturally thick and and very long lashes, beautiful thick eyebrows, small face and a beautiful smile. Loud but her voice is vibrant! Seriously, I love her voice.
She might not appear beautiful at first, but the more you stay with her, the more you notice small things that make her attractive.
I have told her numerous times to not bother about what others think she should do to look "better". But I know its easy for me to say when I never had to go through what she did her entire childhood. I've not faced colourism because I'm fair skinned. I can only compare my other miseries to that of hers if I want to connect to her.
So I've told her the bullshit I had to face as a child. I'll add about that in the next entry.
I noticed that surprised her as well.
No one can be good enough, beautiful enough or just enough.
You will always be shunned for what you don't have. People tend to give importance to negatives more than positives. That's just how they judge.


Anyway, she called me to invite me to her house, to stay over for a week.
I'll go around the end week of November. I thought December would be the best time for that but with Christmas around and her church has some stuff and family celebrations, I thought it's better to go before that.

She also told me about the guy her family seemed to like and wanted her to marry. They recently met through a broker aunt.
This guy 6 years older than her. Looking at his pic he seemed like a normal decent guy, just a bit taller than her, round belly, fair. He looks like a Teddy bear.

She said he felt like a sweet person, quiet and shy. His family likes ani and they wanted them to marry immediately.
That kind of put me off. What's the hurry? Let her get to know this guy a bit! I told her to take her time and try to judge his character.

Feels so weird to know she might get married next year...
Once married, she will have too much responsibility to be able to spend time with me. I know she'll change.
But still, I have this habit of holding onto the past.
I just hope this guy is a decent man and will keep her happy.

Then she told me about a trip they have planned and want me to join in.
Tbh, I really want to join this trip... But I also don't want to interfere their together time.
I have noticed this thing, whenever me and ani have went out with other group of friends, somehow people get drawn to me, trying to get me talking because I just stay aloof and distant. That sometimes make Ani feel left out so she has to get extra loud for attention.

This should be her time to shine. I don't want her to feel left out or competing with me. I'm also worried if some bitchy person would compare us and ruin her confidence (because that has happened in the past.)
I just want her to feel happy.

When I refused to join the trip, she kept poking me to tell her why. So I told her how I truly felt.
She told me to not worry about that and just come over. In fact, Ani told me she wants to check how the guy behaves around me and told me to judge him, to know if she can trust him.
Idk if this is a good idea. But I Guess I'll go. Once she's married, we won't be able to meet often. So I don't want to miss this opportunity.

—Vi




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