Lately I've been thinking of you so much and i smile to myself so much, that pure happy feeling is so strong i cant even describe it but for a moment i feel like you are right here with me.. you have always been here with me.. when you confessed to me i felt so happy to have existed, suddenly i felt like life had so much meaning. i am so grateful to have gotten such feelings from you. i promise i wont waste them.
i understand now that those final days when you said it felt like a death sentence, i guess I never understood how serious it would be at that time, how badly you wanted to be here with me but couldn't, I don't blame you at all. it wasn't in either of our control. i hope i made you as happy as you made me happy. even now just thinking of you all i feel is happy and sometimes it overflows so much and all i want to do is share it with you, how is one person suppose to contain this much happiness? i mean without you this happiness wouldn't even exist.. i wouldn't exist..
I still cant stop thinking of you, some days it hurts because it reminds me how much i miss you, you would think after this much time passed maybe i would have changed but i don't want to change, i haven't allowed myself to change because this mental state of you on my mind is all i have now and without that i will become empty again. i know it hurts and it will always hurt but this feeling is what drives me everyday. i would rather feel that then nothing at all.
literally everything still reminds me of you, your picture on my wallpaper, working out, running, if i listen to any song or watch a movie, the rain, the wind, the sky, the sun and the moon, the very feeling of happiness is you. my mind will automatically just somehow connect it to you and i cant seem to control it and that's okay, i don't know if you will be a different person when you come back but I will always be the same person you gave your heart and soul to I promise.
I still remember your words "i had to give up my happiness for everyone". i hope i was able to give you happiness and comfort for once that you had to deny yourself for the sake of others. i will always be your happy place, always.
I'm always playing in my head what you will say, maybe something cute or something simple like "I missed u", I would like that. my heart skips a beat just thinking about it. but i look forward to that day so much. love you always.