This is my home and I want my money!
if there is a god (and the jury is still out on that one), I am quite certain that he (or she, or it?) takes time out of his busy schedule to read this online journal. he must have read that last entry and been like, "this motherfucker. arrogant ass bitch, thinking he know, he don't know shit!"
now I swear on the most important thing to me, my sobriety, that the following is absolutely 100% true. so hold on to your dicks (and tits!) and get ready for a wild home buying ride!
about a week ago I get a call from my broker at around 5:30 on a Friday afternoon. pro-tip, if your broker is calling you on a Friday that late, she's not calling you to tell you that everything is just honkey-dory.
"we have a problem. apparently the fiancee (of the owner) broke into the condo. she's moving everything out."
I'm sitting there trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, "is she ripping out fixtures? like is she carrying the fridge out of the condo on her back?"
"no right now it's just all the personal property."
we talk about it for a while. a bit of background that I was soon to find out in the next 2 hours. she was apparently the owner's wife, not his fiancee (god damn it!) and he had a restraining order against her. apparently she completely disappeared for about 4 months when the owner's dementia got really bad. I get another call from my broker on Saturday:
"update, she now has a mattress in the middle of the living room and is saying that she lives there."
oh beautiful. just beautiful.
so I talk to the owners son for whom, by the way, I feel REALLY sorry for. he's just trying to sell this place to get cash to take care of his father who, apparently, this crazy bitch just completely left (after abusing him) alone in his time of need. so he's dealing with this psycho stepmother, a father with dementia, and oh, it gets better (or worse) his mother and the owner's ex-wife (did I tell you this was about to get all shades of fucked up?).
prior to our call the owner's son who we'll call J asked if his mother B (for psych, out-of-control bitch) could join in as she is a local attorney and was going to "help out". now I casually asked around about this mother B in the lawyer community, ummm, let's just say that she has a HORRIBLE reputation, and I mean truly, truly horrible. you can hardly get 3 lawyers to agree on anything, I got FIVE lawyers (2 females, 3 males) to WHOLEHEARTEDLY endorse the pscyho-bitch moniker.
anyhow, within the first few minutes of the call all that was confirmed and my sympathy for J only deepened. B was constantly talking over me, completely pushed J out of the conversation, completely dominated the conversation and assured me that she would handle everything and, oh by the way, she didn't think the contract was fair (complete and utter bullshit) and that she was going to review it too.
during the entire call J would interject with this week, "mom..." which is an interlocutory method I have used many times in my life with my dad. it is the utterance you make when your parent is embarrassing you in front of the poor salesperson in front of you saying that they felt cheated or bamboozled or what the fuck ever 1st world travesty had befallen them at that moment.
anyhow, I held my own (to the extent I could) with B and then J called me.
"sorry about that man, it's just a funny situation."
we talked for some time. I felt so badly for him, I really did. I mean he has to deal with crazy B, psycho (and violent) stepmother and a father with dementia (who apparently only he was taking care of).
so long story short, divorce papers are in the works. psycho S (stepmother) is apparently squatting in the condo and, according to the condo president, 'definitely smoking drugs'. she is a legal tenant under a quirk in the local landlord/tenant law that makes spouses who are not on the deed lawful tenants. so now, in addition to the divorce there is a formal eviction proceeding going on.
of course she doesn't want to live there, she is doing what is, frankly, a very smart play (and likely coached by her own attorney). she is not on the deed and possession is 9/10 of the law. so her position is, "fuck you pay me". now I don't know the history here. according to the condo president this woman is the scum of the earth. she (the condo president) is deathly afraid of her because she is "violent".
so now I have a violent drug addict soon to be ex-wife with a restraining order against her sleeping on a mattress in the middle of my (hopefully) some day to be living room. she cleaned this poor guy out. he had beautiful paintings and everything in there that the son wanted to move out and sell for his care. they are completely gone now, nobody knows where they are. all that is left of that broken marriage is the psychotic squatter in the living room.
I also have a renowned shit-head of an attorney apparently making everything worse. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this guy's ex-wife filing his divorce papers for him against his current wife. I don't think this owner has made good choices in women.
one bright side is that psycho B did let me know that the contract was perfectly fair (after her apparently very thorough review) and that she hadn't meant to imply anything but that she was just "looking out". swell. just swell. and she assured me that she was going to fight S (I secretly hoped not physically and started wondering how hard blood stains would be to get out of the walls) with every means in her possession. so she cut off the utilities. I cannot roll my eyes hard enough, that's really stupid. this woman is already crazed, now you're going to go to battle with her?
so I extended the contract to end of December, I was able to lock my rate so really, this is almost better for me as I still have my apartment until march. just sitting back and enjoying the show with this cast of characters. but I do really feel bad for J. I really do. I give the chance of this closing by end of December 13.3134%