Slowly descending into madness
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2021-11-13 23:41:52 (UTC)

Own me

When I was young I had high hopes for love. I wanted love, I got love then I realised I have a pattern of self-sabotaging.

It all started when I was young. Ofc mommy issues got a bit to do with it. As I was watching my own back, I never got to learn how to trust someone fully.

I want to love. I want to be able to trust someone completely. I want them to own me. I want a bond so strong I want to sign a contract if I leave him, he can kill me without any hesitation. I want that trust to feel like I belong somewhere completely. I belong to him with everything that I have and everything that I am. I want him to see how ugly I can be and I want him to accept me.

I'm a 22 years old girl, and so far men have been attracted to me because of who I show that I am. Not because who I am. They get the smallest hint, and they end up leaving.

The world isn't fair but I'll find my person who accepts my flawless performance to the outer world and my hidden impulses and impurity. Someday, someday. I haven’t lost hope, not yet.

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