Jenni's Diary
2021-11-11 00:49:38 (UTC)

Its been a week

It's been a week.
The Monday night I broke up with my ex, I was talking with my friend Jesus and just catching up just outside my apartment door where the staircase is. I see my ex walk up the stairs and coming toward me and he asks for his containers back. I went to get the containers and gave it to him. Jesus told me that my ex asked him if were a thing and other questions about us, probably assuming I was cheating on him during our relationship timeline. As I was about to say something, he told me to shush and I was like why? He said he could hear my ex and his friends outside but didn't know where. Jesus went back and forth across the building floor and saw them hiding around the corner of the building trying to listen to our conversation.
The next day in the morning, I found out my tire was slashed and looked slashed. On Thursday, I went to discount tires with my dad and sister and it was confirmed that it had been slashed. I suspected it was my ex because he has a knife collection. My dad and I went to DPS to file a report. The officer said he would be questioned.
On the next Tuesday morning, I was going out the door to head to work and when I went to lock my door, I heard loud footsteps going up the stairs and I see it is my ex running up the stairs to probably hide.
Then on Thursday, he called my work office twice. I made a harassment report that same day and pressed charges for harassment and vandalism.
Luckily, his access got cut off from my building so he can't access my building any more.

How am I feeling after all this?
I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I thought I would feel relieved but I don't. A part of me thinks I am paranoid. Like what if it wasn't him or what if I got the wrong guy. I don't feel bad for breaking up with him but I feel bad for having to make him go through all this when it might not have been him who have done all this. I know DPS are still investigating this and working on it (hopefully). I feel guilty. I never thought I see myself go through this with an ex. Everyone says its not my fault but I feel like it is. I was the one who broke up with him. I was the one who filed the reports and pressed charges. I was the one who couldn't hold a relationship for the life of me. I've been thinking about going back to therapy. But I know there is a waitlist of people at CAPS rn so its too late. Its a lonely process to go through because no one understands. I haven't been motivated to do anything and I just feel numb. I don't want to be the person that ruins someone's life. I don't want to jeopardize their life if it wasn't them who did the deed.
I don't feel great.
Jesus hasn't returned my calls or texts. He is doing that thing where he disappears after reappearing for a split second. I don't want to chase him. I feel like I scared him away with all the drama that happened. I am an idiot for thinking he was gonna stay this time. I feel like the time travelers wife. Im living my life , waiting for him to reappear, and then he disappears again only to do this in a whole cycle.