LifeOnTheVerge

the complete works of erica j. radford
2021-11-08 19:01:58 (UTC)

Metamorphosis

The salty remnants of yesterday's activities on my hands
The remainder of sage smoke dressing from holding the shell
Ushering forth the mixture of prayers and blessings, gratitude and reception
Face holding the seasons of wear and waters of this past difficult year... or two
Heart in a turmoil of balancing act
Waging waters of grief pitted against a sea of gratefulness
The years of sweat and toil and tears left wanton of crutches and poisons
Finding footing amidst rocks and pitfalls
With only well worn shoes and a well earned survival guide
With all of these years and experience
With all of these pains and tears and scars
This heart is a castaway from a tousled ship
Unknowing the path forward without the blinders
The shackles and chains of the lives it's lived
Full of secrets and admissions and whatever others needed to discard
Always being privileged and cursed to usher out those demons and lies
Only to stand alone
A pillar of whatever that appears to everyone else
I don't know who I am anymore without the damage, the breaks and devices
And yet, no-one else knows me the ways I know myself
It's such an impossible place to be
Yet here I sit
With hope and doom
Promise and purpose
Fear and abandon
Love and self respect
I just don't know what to do with it all yet
I don't know how not to be of service
How to actually navigate life without being selfish
Living my own way of my own choosing
Yet finding all of the ways to honour everyone else
Without properly honouring myself
I am learning now
What it is to honour myself
Not to take on others expectations
Others wants or projections
Others disappointments and emotions
Unless in a good way
They enter into that agreement
That I honour their words and emotions
And help release them to the spirits
Help them see them off and home
I'm just a vessel
Never wanting to accept that it's all I am meant to be
Never wanting to carry anything to term
Yet holding moments like a newborn babe entering the world
When I became aware of my place
When this place became somewhere I could stand
I still stand with weak knees and unsteady ankles
My feet grounded in the soil with the mother and the ancestors
My feet holding all of the might my ancestors grant me
I have nothing else
In this world
But all of this
All of this
This everything
This
Every
Thing
It's always been so much more
Than I can comprehend how to hold
So hold me now
Because I'm splitting open again
Another revolution around the sun
Another rebirth
Another new journey
I am never what I was
Am always what I always will be
And nothing in-between
Behold this heart
Breaking anew
Open to




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