Live my life♥

Life update and glitches

Life is same since 2 yrs. No job, stressed, at sis place, no guy in life but am strong and having faith in god.
I gave few interviews, no positive revert. Its stressing me out but am staying strong. 🙃 have no option.
I miss M but his thought bring me anxiety i dont remeber if i have mentioned this. But i suddenly feel nervous by his thought. But every damn day I remember him, but no crazy missing ... just remember...
Ash's baby girl name is Arika. Ash has changed she doesn't share anythg with me and i feel bad abt it coz I share everything. I might me overthinking but i can feel it. She has hidden me abt delivery, baby pic, her name too while I shared everythg with her on first hand. I feel she think meri buri nazar na lage. But am happy for her. And I want ber to be happy too she has struggled alot.

Rest R is beeen clingy now a days. He calls me everyday. I guess I should stop him. As he talk alot and then he sleeps but i get late on my tasks. I should concentrate on me and things that get me output rather than time pass talking. Am not into him at all. But he is in to me and am afraid of that.

I have FOMO of everythg now a days. I wish i had a job i had money I had purchasing power. I did alot of shopping with moms money. But ill sto doing do. Am trying my best by applying everyday sending persnal msgs to HRs too.
I feel so bored. Lonavala plan of P ,I and mom also got cancelled. I guess P did on
Purpose maybe to avoid mom. Donno... but he could have said lets plan for wekend but he did not... ppl disappoint me. But I have learnt to ignore...
I wonder will I be able to develope the feelings, bonding, love, comfortness with someone like I had with V. I was all myself with him so effortless blabber, be in my worst look, stupidest mode. Will anyone love me like that? Am sure there will be someone out there. Yesterday I was alone and brokedown while cooking, i don't know but out of no where I started thinking of how bad i was been treated , how I was left alone and how I was ignkred when I did not deserved so... i broke down and cried to god... begged him to help me. I felt bad for self to be in that state. I love myself.. i know god things will happen soon.... god is making good for me which will take little time.
Am sitting in a my sis balcony, i can see the starts, sky there is no moon today but i see moon also clearly and far away city lights, can see planes flying after every 5 mins, cars are parked down my blush too and there is a cold breeze, mom is sleeping next to me and everything is silent except few insects buzzing some times i see glow worms too... l will miss this time too.. like I miss my past. Sometimes i wonder things would have been so different if M would have been here. It would have been so good... i do miss his absense but am ok. Life goes on. Am sure he isnt missing me. He must be in his sleep laying on his tummy and a head towards right like always. Hahaha...

I should sleep now its 2.13 am. Tomorrow will be a new day, new opportunity, no ray of hope. Gn sdZ

God help me, help your child.