2021-10-24 17:20:47 (UTC)


identity and gender is a plaything. a construct. it's a hot take and a controversial opinion.
though i take comfort in having a masculine identity. i find it sexy for unknown reasons, other than that's how i was raised i guess.
24 years old and months away from a master's. i still can't believe NIH canceled. it seemed out of the blue.
"to ensure fair opportunity for other students..." that's the line i sometimes i can't burn.
the other day, i wrote all my guilts i could think on a sheet i compiled over three days.
was a bit hard to burn but the lighter made it all the way through.
it freed me - even when jawad messaged me, i kept a clear head. the regret only consumed me for moments.
i can let go of the things that have taken me prisoner over the last couple of years.
i realize now i should have before embarking on quests to instill new habits.
now is the time to start breaking bad habits. but to do that, i have to take a good, long look at myself.
my thinking must encompass proactivity or i'll fall victim to the same patterns.

i have to start learning my roles, but i can't let my roles consume my identity like i did before. my boundaries must be made clear.